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Open Poetry #23
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My Abstraction
| Open Poetry #23 |
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My Abstraction |
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regards2you Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940California |
Black borderless chasm where God placed your brain runs parallel my corner-ripped grey. French-trenched, drains seepage of angst, pebble-bedded, yet with naive angle catches slant, my straight and narrow. Spirit driven down winding concrete steps, One, after Another, after Another, to rough flannel slope graded on the curve, a measure of your obliquity. Veering toward inevitable Motionless trapeze: Me You Her In a splash of white freeze! . . . . . . I wrote this in respose to a fellow poet whose poem reminded me of a black and grey abstract I once drew, stating his words were angular in part. He suggested that was a good premise for a poem. Though not what he probably had in mind, I mainly thought of my abstract and tried to write a descriptive poem...very new form of writing for me...ever learning..  . . . ..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.. "Desiderata" [This message has been edited by regards2you (11-24-2002 10:38 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Patricia L.Thompson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Sandpiper Senior Member
since 2002-06-15
Posts 738land of flora and fauna |
Ohhhhh--much more than a splash, more like a waterfall!! Especially like the first verse--Enjoyed!! "I am a sky where spirits live. |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
The emotions run away with the senses in this one. Kethry Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown |
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regards2you Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940California |
Sandpiper, Thank you. Glad you enjoyed. I have since, added a note of explanation to bottom of poem. Warm Regards, Pat ..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.. |
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regards2you Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940California |
Kethry, So glad you took the time to read. Thank you. Hugs and warm regards, Pat ..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.. "Desiderata" [This message has been edited by regards2you (11-24-2002 10:40 AM).] |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
I enjoyed both the title, and the poem. |
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Magnus
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135South Carolina, USA |
Wellllll.... I think you took something and turned it into a very unique piece of art...very descriptively... |
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Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now |
regards2you - descriptive it is, well written... BC |
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regards2you Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940California |
Karilea, Magnus and Bill.... Thank you for reading and responding. My world just opened up to poetry reading and writing after a very long period of time in which it needed to be put on hold, never having written for even one year. Like a little girl in 1st grade, want to try the finger paints, the sand toys, paint a tempera splash...all of it; I want to try different forms of writing poetry, for those of which I'd previously written were usually only ever based on my or others emotions... I didn't ~feel~ this when writing, and don't particularly like it.. but the joy for me is in the creating, even if not perfect...I post very few of my experiments and am considering a creative writing class offered at local junior college, if time allows, maybe finding my own niche. Again, thank you for taking the time. Warm regards, Pat ..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.. |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (smiles) Oh my gosh...motionless trapeze...this is beautiful, I can imagine a 3D view of you and her freezing in mid-air like a tightroper at the circus holding grace in gravity, this is amazing! I LOVE IT, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Patricia, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." Shakira [This message has been edited by Mistletoe Angel (11-24-2002 06:45 PM).] |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
you do this form well, i like it, write some more! |
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regards2you Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940California |
Dixie, Thank you for replying to this. Am surprised and glad for your review; this is what the 'old' Pat, (Pat before PIP) would have called funky....I have written things and never shown to any-one kinda similar to this but soooooo funky,(far-out) I doubt anyone could understand them... In any case, appreciate you taking the time to find this and comment. Your opinion means a lot.Hugs, Pat ..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.. |
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
 - And so it was that time stood still - |
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