»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #23
»
a woman...and a man--set free
| Open Poetry #23 |
|
a woman...and a man--set free |
|
|
serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738
|
I was intent in the mirror-- a concentration of woman's zen-- my jaw was dropped in that relax as I dabbed foundation on. I yearned to paint me natural. I was so intent in aim that I disregarded audience and turned the lights up high. A woman learns to see herself in order to correct her faults. A glance of one reflected chance becomes a personal critique-- What lines a cleopatra's eyes and what becomes a parody with age...we learn to blur-define-- to contrast signs in etch of life. Chisel eyebrows into stone-- so accustomed to the pain that there is no flinch-- no more-- just a wince of eyes again. A tilt of head from left to right, then up and down a skeptic's eye is ruthless in this map's survey-- no lip liner, that's for clowns... shadow intrigue behind eyes to distract the truth within, rubbing virgin blush on cheeks and blend. and blend. and blend. again Dripping gloss upon a pout, I turned to see him, watching me. He had a funny twist of face and so I asked, "Is something wrong?" I finally looked away from me-- long enough to see the tears magnifying his heart-gaze... pupils widened wrenched my soul. "It has been seven years since I've seen this ritual--" I was properly admonished. My eyes waved down with curly lash. No longer did I need the blush. I felt shame amidst his pain-- so I turned the bright light off. "I was caged with men that killed, for less than such a sight as this-- a woman's private mystery..." I wept to hear his voice in break. "I'm sorry..." as I wailed a trail of such a thoughtless recompense... He was crying unashamed but smiled and told me, "Baby? don't. I watched a woman don her veils and still--woman--maintains mystique." [This message has been edited by serenity blaze (11-22-2002 05:20 AM).] |
||
| © Copyright 2002 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Enjoyed...James |
||
|
wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn |
More than enjoyed....Ed |
||
|
Gentle Spirit Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989 |
Karen if you were to ask me why I can truly identify with this, I am not sure that I could explain why, but I most definately for some strange reason can. It is pure Serenity......and that m'friend is a pretty awesome thing.  I know that you can 'read' me |
||
Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
I'm truly enjoying the story telling going on here. Write the book kid... write the book.. |
||
|
Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
A woman learns to see herself in order to correct her faults. A glance of one reflected chance becomes a personal critique-- What lines a cleopatra's eyes and what becomes a parody with age...we learn to blur-define-- to contrast signs in etch of life. Chisel eyebrows into stone-- so accustomed to the pain that there is no flinch-- no more-- just a wince of eyes again. ================================== even though you gave a hint...I was so absorbed in the imagery (of you) and story unfolding that I didnt see where this was going...I wasnt prepared for the impact the end had... *shaking me head at you* ... *saying damn* ... you are beautiful...inside & out...no mirrors needed...just read your poetry.    I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell |
||
|
Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
What JM said... YOU are amazing...drawing the reader in and then hitting them with an unexpected ending. Fantastic write Karen. ~Hugs~ ~Love, like magic, depends on believing~ |
||
|
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
What the Cap'n said... |
||
|
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Serenity No pretense in your mirror, the natural beauty is there in your words. The end was so touching and real...it blew me away. You are amazing! |
||
|
serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
I want to thank you all but there are some special people I need to whom I'd like to give special gratitude: Ed? This was partly inspired by your whores. (grin...everything I type sounds EVIL out loud) Duncan isn't here, but his horseshoe bar inspired this'n a bit too. Marite? (martie...) I know I haven't been replying, but I HAVE been studying you, as promised, I only hope a shadow of your gentle realism showed in this piece. and to Cpat Hair..m'buddy? You inspired EVERYBODY...so sometimes the trickle down theory does indeed work. Hugs all.. I'm off to put somebody else under the magnifying glass... love you all, and? forgive me for not thanking everybody individually, I AM lazy. |
||
|
jellybeans Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298 |
really enjoyed this....guess those rare tender times are the 'why?' huh? |
||
|
serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
jb? there is no why...laughing. this evolved from something that did indeed happen, I just made the man a romantic interest for the sake of interest. It was actually my brother who sat there in awe. I just added the implication of romance. I tend to do that all too often. thanks lady, and I swear I'm going to read and reply, good people, but I can't seem to stop writing! forgive my selfishness... |
||
|
Gentle Spirit Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989 |
Karen, in this case the selfishness is a good thing......... write m'friend............write.......... |
||
|
Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
I'm here, just a little late. Whole lotta storytellin' goin on!!! Honestly, K...I have to gather up all my good brain cells when I really wanna READ you. It's exhausting but always worth the trip. And ahhh...Ron, thanks for the trickle. |
||
|
Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
credit where credit is due..and it does not belong with me. You all have more talent than I do...and inspire me to try harder and not settle for the first thing that flows off my fingers and on to paper... Ser writes beautifully..and with an 'edge" as does Wranx... his tempered with a different perspective and almost a reluctance to let loose what is inside.. Duncan... you have the ability to truly sculpt phrases and does Mark V... Sunshine... has a talent to give..to see..and then to share... Ms Devine... sells herself short...but has a great deal of insight into life and a way of telling about it that sometimes adds humor sometimes cries but always is thoughtful... Martie.. deep lady... lord I'll be here all night if I go on and on...and I want to...because everyone I have read and commented on I have seen something in that I admired... something in all the words here that touch, explain, amuse, help me know I am alive.. If credit is due..it is due to the trickle down of each and every poem read and how it shapes the next one we read or write... I'm just honored you let me play in this sandbox... NOW..go away all of you!!!! time for me to be aloof and quiet...  And for all the poets I didn't call out by name.... please understand it is not because I don't have things to say... just that I know some better than others and often run out of words to say what should be... ( slinking off to hide for a while now until everyone forgets I wrote all this stuff) |
||
|
rwood Member Elite
since 2000-02-29
Posts 3793Tennessee |
What a mind treat. I became appended into the write as a voyeur into this timeless scene. The mirror..one that mostly covers the mass of "we women"..but the uncovering.."realization"..was a magic weave. The beauty..and the secrets...really fantastic read poetess. Sincerely, Reg |
||
|
jwesley Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563Spring, Texas |
mighty cool my friend...enjoyed the trip mucho! jwesley |
||
|
Paul Wilson
since 2002-07-07
Posts 4711United States |
Serenity~ I was astonished by the reality of your words. Your really dig deep into your heart & mind in all of your poems. Thanks...Paul [This message has been edited by Paul Wilson (11-22-2002 07:24 PM).] |
||
|
kruser Junior Member
since 2002-11-08
Posts 11 |
I yearned to paint me natural. this is just a great line, the whole piece was great, Wow! |
||
|
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
First I come back to read Karen again...just because I can  and then I see a treat by the Cap'n who is letting his hair down...walking away bemused, and quite content.... |
||
Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
(sigh) Oh Karen, I love this, seduction has such a wonderful poisonous addiction and you wonder why when the beauty takes a toll on you! (kiss on cheek) This is wonderful, sweet friend, God Bless You, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Karen, thank you for sharing! May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
||
|
brian sites Senior Member
since 2002-06-25
Posts 1475usa |
yes the secret knowledge that they would call hormones |
||
|
Madame Chipmunk Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-05
Posts 8296Michigan |
Wow!!!! What an ending, Karen... and what a poem... Truly... truly a very rare treat  ~ hugs from the chipmunk wearing makeupLyra |
||
|
serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
*hand-over-heart* thank you-- the poetry? is in the replies... love to you all. |
||
|
Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
How long ya gonna hide, Ron? Anyone up for 'Hide and Seek'? Hi K...forgot to save this. |
||
|
bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
You write of make-up by taking the poem's off. |
||
|
garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Serenity....look what I would have missed if it hadn't been bumped back up to the top. Goodness, you're good, Lady, in every single piece you write. All I can say that hasn't already been said is that I personally thank you for sharing your talent with all of us. "Love makes the world go around" ~~with love and hugs from Ethel~~ [This message has been edited by garysgirl (11-26-2002 03:49 PM).] |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
