»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #23
»
Let's call it luck
| Open Poetry #23 |
|
Let's call it luck |
|
|
Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
First words out of her pretty mouth, ‘What the hell are you doing here?’ I reminded myself her eyes said something else just a few steps before some sadistic god called this shot, I thought but to her, ‘let’s call it luck’ My hand reflexively reaching into my pocket for the coin she’d flipped two years before surprising me with a demand of, ‘Call it!’ as I felt my stomach making every spin as I heard the coin hit the floor wondering if I would wake up soon and so it had been my call she said and disappeared I pulled out her chair and lit a cigarette chased the scent of her with Jack and waited for the burn, then the soothe of her, a flame, red from dark eyes promising everything and nothing as her lips held the reason for my birth Her voice slid into me like a rush through a vein I closed my eyes and all sound became raindrops on tin |
||
| © Copyright 2002 Duncan - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
This is awesome! Humbly, ThisDiamond |
||
|
Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
"Her voice slid into me like a rush through a vein I closed my eyes and all sound became raindrops on tin" Oh dang!! Keep them coming Duncan! Pleeeease! ~Hugs~ ~Love, like magic, depends on believing~ |
||
|
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Too many good lines to even begin listing.....reads like a Raymond Chandler novel. Great writing, Duncan....from one who has chased scents with Jack  |
||
Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (sigh) Oh Duncan, this is so lovely, sweet friend, I just love the beautiful words you paint and spread through our veins with inspiration! (big hugggssssss) God Bless You, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Duncan, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
||
garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Duncan, you really did a good job here of describing the scene...like looking at a movie, or something. I enjoy these stories of yours. "Love makes the world go around" |
||
|
wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn |
Geez Duncan, Why does this sound so familiar, so comfortable? Seems that we too, write for the same yearbook. Ed p.s. Thanks for the reads |
||
|
Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
I reminded myself her eyes said something else just a few steps before some sadistic god called this shot, I thought ============================== I pulled out her chair and lit a cigarette chased the scent of her with Jack and waited for the burn, then the soothe of her, a flame, red from dark eyes promising everything and nothing as her lips held the reason for my birth Her voice slid into me like a rush through a vein I closed my eyes and all sound became raindrops on tin ================================== Some times...in the white hot heat...its real hard to draw the line between heaven and hell..between who is the moth and who is the flame... and this??? proves me mothy point for me... while it melts me mascara  Her voice slid into me like a rush through a vein oh yeah....I am so diggin your long winded muse *L*...like I said...niche'= itch...keep on scratching...its making for very cool poetry. "it aint easy being a moth" I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell |
||
|
Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
someone's writing a story. i'm definitely liking it so far - the verbal and emotional imagery is enthralling, something not generally done wtih such ease. |
||
|
Sandpiper Senior Member
since 2002-06-15
Posts 738land of flora and fauna |
Captivating--can't wait to read more! "I am a sky where spirits live. |
||
|
Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
let's call it talent.. and you have one for telling the story.. I truly am enjoying these and hope there are more. I knew you could...and knew you as well as a couple of others on here had more talent to tell those stories than I do. I TRULY enjoy what you've done and where you are heading... great lines, great images..great form... Bravo!! Duncan... I would never mind someone taking up a challenge or finding some inspiration to write from something I have done. I especially enjoy it when someone does it better than I do...for then..a bit of the inspiration lives on in other people... You are good man.... write them, wrap them up and send them off to find a publisher. That's how good I think they are. |
||
|
Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
Duncan, keep spinning these slices of life stories and we will all end up buying them at Barnes and Noble some day...I hope. You are going uphill, yanno, not downhill. And this isn't just a stroke reply. |
||
|
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
More. Please. |
||
|
1slick_lady Member Ascendant
since 2000-12-22
Posts 6088standing on a shadow's lace |
"as her lips held the reason for my birth" "I closed my eyes and all sound became raindrops on tin" one word of reply...Damn !!! |
||
|
regards2you Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940California |
"As her lips held the reason for my birth" it doesn't get better than this kind of writing... So enjoyable. Thank you.... Warm Regards, Pat ..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.. |
||
|
vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
enjoyed |
||
|
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Where's my more? Please? |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
