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Passions in Poetry

Forever September

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Duncan
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since 08-07-2001
Posts 5716


25 posted 11-18-2002 06:19 PM       View Profile for Duncan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Duncan


‘For all it’s brilliance, there are no hues
of ocean blue on fall's palette ..’

Gotta tell ya, Jams…this line has affected how I am seeing fall this year.  (Ask the dog, I told him about it).  And you’re right, as brilliant as the sky blue is these autumn days, it is no substitute for the ocean blue of summer.  

‘No, I did not notice the days slipping away,
I missed the calendar pages falling into Fall.
I was distracted by sunset's solstice surrender to
mirrored moonrises of September's splendor.

My apologies to fall's foliage of ambered orange.
Autumn's auburn arrival comes in on crimson caress,
still, I'm not impressed for I'm held here under duress.

You see, I left so much of me there in the sand
where you wrote my name and held out your hand.’


After completeness this perfect, much would seem lost anywhere else.  Though, the days both have their poetry, as you’ve proven here.   You’ll never forget the way the ocean sounds at night or how gently the sun rises when the horizon is truly endless.  Some moments are too vast, too life changing to be distilled.  (But ya know, I’m dying to try…lol)  They should be savored, remembered for seasons and years to come.  And built upon…

Till next summer.

‘It was always meant to be ... the best of me ... stay with the sea ...’
Nightshade
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just out of reach


26 posted 11-18-2002 06:25 PM       View Profile for Nightshade   Email Nightshade   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nightshade's Home Page   View IP for Nightshade

JanetMarie - this is simply beautiful!! thankyou for this. Chris

"Hope" is the thing with feathers-
that perches in the soul....
                  
                       -Emily Dickinson

Bill Charles
Member Patricius
since 07-11-2000
Posts 11011
highways, & byways, for now


27 posted 11-18-2002 07:48 PM       View Profile for Bill Charles   Email Bill Charles   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Bill Charles

Janet Marie - a very stunning presentation, and a very beautiful compelling write...

BC
Janet Marie
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since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


28 posted 11-19-2002 12:29 AM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie




Capt Ron ... your advice is that of a wise man *S* ... moths just cant seem to fly that far *L*  thank you poet sir for your insight and kind reply.

Ruth ... you always find the alliterations LOL thank you for that ...
and yes...the blue and the warm is always just a memory away...that and the 20 rolls of film I took !! LOL thank you Ruthie girl for walking on my beach *L*

Sudhir ... thank you for that wonderful verse!!! ... so glad you got to come walk on the beach with me *S*  thank you groovy guy!! SO good to have you back in the blue pages.


Munda ... thanks so much girlie..so glad you rode in on the tide *S*

Eliza ... Thank you for that lovely poetic reply...its perfect...and Welcome to Poetry Land...so nice to meet you!! *S*

Sparkles ... I love Autumn too..but this year its having a hard time competing with the memories of the ocean so fresh in my mind.... thank you always for your kindness and support of my work!! *S*

Duncan ... your replies read like poetry my friend...thank you so much for seeing all the color and light that I intended...I wanted fall's beauty to shine thru my wistful want of more summer.. and  yeah...thats my fave line too *S* thanks for reading between the lines as well *S*

Chris .. thank you poetess for your lovely reply ...so good to see you back here with us in the blue *S*

Bill ... and thank you poet sir for your kind words ... I appreciate you coming by.


Thank you ALL for celebrating my joy and awe of being beach bound and tide taken.


[This message has been edited by Janet Marie (11-19-2002 09:05 AM).]

Christopher
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Member Rara Avis
since 08-02-99
Posts 9130
Purgatorial Incarceration


29 posted 11-20-2002 12:02 AM       View Profile for Christopher   Email Christopher   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Christopher

haha - cool title JM. caught me without even seeing your name! of course the poem is fitting as well, though i admit i was looking for more... familiar... lyrics.

peace
Gentle Spirit
Member Laureate
since 10-09-2000
Posts 14329


30 posted 11-20-2002 06:15 AM       View Profile for Gentle Spirit   Email Gentle Spirit   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Gentle Spirit

Ah Janet. This is wonderful and your experience was wonderful and I am so glad that your mothy muse has come back to grace us.  The pics are just wonderful, but then you already knew I loved that sunset.  
Tis a very special memory that you hold close girlie and from here, I can feel the smile that you still and will wear for a very long time. And ya know what Mothy gal, that smile sure looks great on you.  
Hugs

"When we're torn apart,
shattered and scarred,
love has the grace to save us"
Saints and Angels as sung by Sarah Evans

rwood
Member Elite
since 02-29-2000
Posts 3797
Tennessee


31 posted 11-20-2002 08:39 PM       View Profile for rwood   Email rwood   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rwood

I want it back...this September..this sand vision place. The days spent on brown sugar satin shores. Your words..the pictures..Wow I was swept away just recently on Kiawah Island..and you took me back there. Who would ever want to leave huh? Really you dear poetess..a spirit place for your thoughts.

Sincerely,
Reg
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


32 posted 11-21-2002 12:24 AM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie



Chris...somehow I just knew youd like the title
thanks for coming by and walking on the beach with me *S*

Donna...thank you girlie...yes...the memories keep the smile on my face and the blue in my heart...it was such an amazing trip .. the pics wont ever do it all justice but
then how could anything really capture the beauty of the ocean...nothing but being there will. thanks so much for celebrating with me

Regina...welcome back...so thats where ya been...playing in the sand...
and yeppers, youre right...I didnt want to come back...didnt want to leave the ocean or my host. Hope your trip inspires you like mine did


thanks again to all who responded.
my love to poetry land.
jm


No one has ever shown me how to see the world the way I see it now ...
and I never saw blue like that before.

~Tom Kimmel~

Local Parasite
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Member Elite
since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


33 posted 11-30-2002 05:42 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

Hah... 12 days of vacation is all the inspiration you need for one poem?  Your muse is a lot pickier than mine.  Last one I wrote was done after opening my front door for the newspaper...

Well Madame Moth, somehow this one slipped right by me.  No worries, Ron recently fixt my library function, so I was able to add you to my library and see your recent posts.  So here, I owe you a reply.  

quote:
How can it be that fall is
settling all around me?
I am not ready for the rusting
and rustling of seasons in change.

How can there be frost when
my face is still tanned?


Nice opening.  You know the thing that gives me the most trouble in writing is thinking up an opening few lines.  Rhetoric is a great way to trump the troubles of line one, though.  I do like how accurately your opening introduces the poem's contents.  How long did that opening take you, just out of curiousity (and jealousy)?

quote:
I still feel summer's steamy glow and
beach breezes blowing thru my hair.
I can still hear the waves crashing to
the shore, still recall the awe of endless
horizons illuminated in constant color.


Please, JM... PLEASE take the extra few keystrokes to write "through" instead of "thru."  Just for presentation's sake.  

Oh, and here comes the alliteration... I noticed you got really heavy with the alliteration in the poem, which I thought was quite clever.  It makes for some great harmony and smooth reading... I don't use alliteration or consonance/assonance nearly as much as I should, I know.  

I also have to say I like the way you enhanced your imagery with massive quantifications, like "endless horizon" and "constant color."  Really gives the eyes something to munch on.  The only problem I have with this sort of imagery is that it tends to be a bit vague.  This kind of image-based poetry craves more specific scenery.  For example, saying "constant color" doesn't specify the colors, where they appear, what they remind you of, etc etc... I would like to see a bit more expansion on the images.  Just my opinion.

quote:
For all it's brilliance, there are no hues
of ocean blue on fall's palette ...


That's good.  But like I said, I'd still love to see some specifics leading up to that.  What is there other than ocean blue, in autumn?  

quote:
The crackling crunch of dried leaves
can't content me the way walking barefoot
in the tide with you by my side did.


I love this one.  Lots of advanced technique there... internal rhyme and alliterations make this seem so free-forming and beautiful, yet also demonstrate your inability to write bad poetry...

quote:
Try as they might, the musk and smoky smells
of this season are simply no match for the
dusky scent of wet sand and surf.


Yes, and does she sell sea shells by the sea shore?  You're giving my tongue a real workout with this one, JM... I love it...

quote:
Winter's skies of pewter promise silver flaked snowfalls,
still that cant compete with the anticipation I felt
waking to shorelines saturated in sunrise.


"Winter's skies of pewter promise silver-flaked snowfalls" is probably one of the coolest articulations of "looks like it's gonna snow" that I have ever seen.  I also like you mentioning the waking anticipation.  That's neat, brings more of a sense of time to the poem... that you wake up anticipating each day.  This is the first hint within the poem that you were on vacation somewhere.

quote:
No, I did not notice the days slipping away,
I missed the calendar pages falling into Fall.
I was distracted by sunset's solstice surrender to
mirrored moonrises of September's splendor.


Great contrast between what distracted you and what it distracted you from.  Falling pages are dull, but "sunset's solstice surrender to mirrored moonrises of September's splendor?"  Yeah, that's a good excuse to lose track of time, for sure...

quote:
My apologies to fall's foliage of ambered orange.
Autumn's auburn arrival comes in on crimson caress,
still, I'm not impressed for I'm held here under duress.

You see, I left so much of me there in the sand
where you wrote my name and held out your hand.


It's all good.  The last line up there is a bit oddly worded though.  I think you could have rephrased it a little bit.  I know "sand" is a hard rhyme to make, though, so it's not like I lose any respect for you over it.  

quote:
Winter will happen without me this year ...
I'm no longer here ... in spirit I still linger on the pier.
It was always meant to be ... the best of me ... stay with the sea ...

sand swept ...
                         tide taken ...
                                                summer sequestered ...
                                                                                        fall forsaken.


Oooh..... I love how you don't end your poem, you drift out of it by stretching your form between ellipses... that's some fine craftsmanship there, JM.

It's obvious you didn't want to disgrace what was clearly such an amazing experience, by writing a sub-par poem about it.  I know the feeling, when I've experienced something moving I want to not only write about it, but write well about it.  You've invested a lot into this piece, and your muse didn't disappoint in the least.  Excellent work JM, I'm glad I got the opportunity to read this one.  

See you around.  Be sure to keep your wings dusted, in the meantime.

Parasite

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
~Aldous Huxley

Ethan Halo
Senior Member
since 04-28-2000
Posts 820
on the roof again


34 posted 12-01-2002 02:55 AM       View Profile for Ethan Halo   Email Ethan Halo   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Ethan Halo's Home Page   View IP for Ethan Halo

i've not seen this side of your style, but i won't lie, JM.
i love it. this is great writing,not only from the heart, but with a cadence all it's own. it flows like an ocean wave, and your words are colorful, vibrant...
they don't paint a picture, but a whole reality we should all be willing to fall into.

"No, I did not notice the days slipping away,
I missed the calendar pages falling into Fall.
I was distracted by sunset's solstice surrender to
mirrored moonrises of September's splendor.

My apologies to fall's foliage of ambered orange.
Autumn's auburn arrival comes in on crimson caress,
still, I'm not impressed for I'm held here under duress."

This is GREAT stuff!!
i spent the summer surfing, and i must say i miss it.
good times, better days,
yes?

you keep on re-emerging from cocoons, always coming out better than the last time i read you.  
how d'ya do that?
in awe, as per usual. like the pix.

thanks for your support by the way. sorry i've not written, but... well... things are better now. almost.

it's our struggle for identity that leaves us all unknown

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 08-26-99
Posts 46297
displaced


35 posted 12-01-2002 03:10 AM       View Profile for passing shadows   Email passing shadows   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for passing shadows

reminds me of Pensacola Beach...very beautiful!
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


36 posted 12-01-2002 01:23 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

LP.... *smiling at you*... thank you ..thank you..thank you  for taking so much time on your reply...I appreciate it so much...you already know I love being able to see my words THRU anothers eyes...   lmao   ( so???there is another way to spell thru??) WHO KNEW???   rofl....OK...Im done being an obnoxious moth  
anyway... thank you for seeing all the work that went in to this...it is actually a rewrite of a fairly unstructured free verse I spent maybe a half hour on and then a few days later reworked and added more alliterations, (my latest obesssion) *L*  and added assonance and internal rhymes...and eventually end line rhymes seemed to work their way in...ya know--- RHYME HAPPENDS  LOL
its not like I have any control over this muse
anyway...I just got back in town and will be in touch with you...will try to answer this better and I want to ask your GIFTED poet opinion on something you mention here...
I have to get caught up and then will send ya an E...
THANK YOU again  for the in depth read and reply...."we cant grow if we dont know"


Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


37 posted 12-01-2002 01:24 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

Ethan ... hey you ...so cool to find your name here again....thank you groovy guy for the view of this from your side of the fence...yeah..I been trying some free verse and just letting my muse run ..and as you can see rhyme seems to always find a way in...I guess the moth just needs the cadence like LP above you saw what I was attempting to do here...was hoping the end would bring the image of waves to mind.
As for your apology?? no sorries needed baby...life happends...we just have to keep up....you always know how to find me...the door is always open.

Dixie.... thank you for stopping in ... I will have to see Floridas shores some day...
I hear they are some of the bluest.
Larry C
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Member Patricius
since 09-10-2001
Posts 10765
United States


38 posted 12-02-2002 12:01 AM       View Profile for Larry C   Email Larry C   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Larry C's Home Page   View IP for Larry C

JM,
=========================
You see, I left so much of me there in the sand
where you wrote my name and held out your hand.

Winter will happen without me this year ...
I'm no longer here ... in spirit I still linger on the pier
=========================

No surprise to you that other meanings linger in these words for me. How I love your work and your heart.

If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

Mysteria
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since 03-07-2001
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British Columbia, Canada


39 posted 12-02-2002 12:19 AM       View Profile for Mysteria   Email Mysteria   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mysteria

You see, I left so much of me there in the sand
where you wrote my name and held out your hand.


Ahhh, but you will have to go back
to the ocean and hold that hand
that was held out to you
while you walked in the sand.

Serene machine that you are

                
Let there be peace on earth,
and let it begin with me.

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


40 posted 12-02-2002 11:16 AM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

Larry ... right back at ya my friend...times ten thank you groovy guy


Sharon ... consider me gone thank you dear poetess for stopping by and walking on the beach with me
thanks again to all who replied to this and shared in my special trip.
ghost_got_married
Junior Member
since 12-02-2002
Posts 11
North Carolina


41 posted 12-02-2002 11:20 AM       View Profile for ghost_got_married   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for ghost_got_married

beautifully worded and so rhythmic
kayjay
Member Elite
since 06-24-2002
Posts 2334
Oregon


42 posted 12-04-2002 08:32 PM       View Profile for kayjay   Email kayjay   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for kayjay

A gift of imagery.  Being an old seaman, I loved this.  Ken

Through rubble and trouble and dark of night
The yawn of a dawn will hasten the light

Parker
Member Elite
since 01-06-2000
Posts 3135
... the old black rum


43 posted 12-05-2002 01:45 AM       View Profile for Parker   Email Parker   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Parker's Home Page   View IP for Parker

Thank you for this write browneye's.... it takes me back to the ocean I love so much. My fall seems forever here and I miss the salted air. Thank you for sharing your memories.

parker
vlraynes
Member Rara Avis
since 07-25-2000
Posts 9136
Somewhere... out there...


44 posted 12-05-2002 02:12 AM       View Profile for vlraynes   Email vlraynes   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit vlraynes's Home Page   View IP for vlraynes


Janet Marie~
I would have SWORN that I replied to this...honest.
Apparently, though, I would have been wrong, since I'm
not seeing my name anywhere..LOL.
Anyway, I just have to say that I absolutely LOVE this piece.
The whole thing is just gorgeous..pictures and words alike.
I know it's been repeated several times already,
but I have to say that this part really grabbed me...

    "You see, I left so much of me there in the sand
     where you wrote my name and held out your hand."

I just LOVE that...and it's so YOU.
This is just an incredible piece and I can't say enough about it.
I'm so glad that you were able, with the help of a cowboy,
to realize your dream of visiting the ocean.
I can't help but smile at your excitement and love for it.
Big *HUGS* to you, my mothy friend,
~Vicky

"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

ethome
Member Patricius
since 05-14-2000
Posts 11545
New Brunswick Canada


45 posted 12-05-2002 04:43 AM       View Profile for ethome   Email ethome   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit ethome's Home Page   View IP for ethome

Absolutely gorgeous!
You should take a trip away more often......It seems that a change of scenery and friends sparks your muse to greater depths than ever and yours was already eloquent!

Beautiful poet pet just beautiful!
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


46 posted 12-05-2002 07:50 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

ghost_got_married ... thank you so much for the kind words....welcome to Passions, so nice to meet you.

kayjay ... thank you poet sir for coming by...so glad you enjoyed the blue with me.

P-man... HEY YOU...where you been boyeeee *L* ... me thinks its time you got those land legs of yours wet again...make some new memories...maybe meet a mermaid ....thanks for coming by sweet tease...miss you around here..and your poetry.

Vicky...no need to apologize ... its never to late to hear from you girlie!!  *L*  
thanks so much for your enthusiasm and support...
that line is so me huh?  must be moth rhymes then   lol
TY and mothy hugs right back at ya

E-babes....your replies read like poetry..thank you so much...its so good to see your name here too...youre another one thats missed here in the blue pages.
Hope everything is groovy up your way my poet pal!!   thanks Eric.


~~
thanks again to all for your wonderful replies and well wishes.
Mysteria
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Member Laureate
since 03-07-2001
Posts 19652
British Columbia, Canada


47 posted 03-25-2006 12:39 PM       View Profile for Mysteria   Email Mysteria   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mysteria

I am waiting to turn to April on my beautiful calendar, so I cheated a bit, as I won't peak.   This is a keepsake that I just love reading, and know you must surely keep this one close to your heart.
Larry C
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 09-10-2001
Posts 10765
United States


48 posted 03-25-2006 09:21 PM       View Profile for Larry C   Email Larry C   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Larry C's Home Page   View IP for Larry C

Thanks Sharon. It's hard to go wrong when you reminisce over JM's word pictures. This piece as so powerful.

JM,
You'll always rock my world. You helped me put meaning into "grief without growth is pain without purpose". And I haven't forgotten your loss either.

If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane,
I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

 
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