navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #23 » Mistress
Open Poetry #23
Post A Reply Post New Topic Mistress Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration

0 posted 2002-11-12 03:27 AM


Mistress
©2002 C.G. Ward


named a star after you, once.

fell from the sky
a few years back…
fitting, don't you think?

still look for it though
- time to time -
wondering why city lights
obscure the night,
like your smile
covered distance.

I see others up there,
not yours,
bright, glowing, blinking -
different.
I tilt back and dream,
imagining a time
when you outshone Cassiopeia
and I was the darkness.

you called me evil then:
another way to say
you loved me.
then, oh then,
your sea-slate eyes sparkled
like that one over there,
the one you can see
even through the mist.

of course,
that's just remembrance,
cathartic immolation;
burn me alive inside,
brinked on the edge
of my heart's demise.

see, heaven just isn't high enough
to keep my feet on the ground
and 'memory' is just another word
for sorrow.




[This message has been edited by Christopher (11-12-2002 03:27 AM).]

© Copyright 2002 C.G. Ward - All Rights Reserved
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

1 posted 2002-11-12 03:33 AM


now this---is pure love poetry.
free verse, but you got that rhythm down that I've been striving for...

bone achingly beautiful C.

Makes me hate the clouds tonight that I welcomed today....

garysgirl
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237
Florida, USA
2 posted 2002-11-12 04:02 AM


Christopher, this is beautiful love poetry....wish I could write like you. Don't know if I ever will be able to, though, so I guess I'll just have to write like me, huh?

"Love makes the world go around"
~~with love and hugs from Ethel~~
                  

regards2you
Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940
California
3 posted 2002-11-12 08:56 AM



Touching.  I liked this a great deal.

Warm Regards,
Pat

..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons..
        "Desiderata"

Duncan
Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455

4 posted 2002-11-12 08:59 AM


Gotta get to work, C...I'll be back.
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

5 posted 2002-11-12 10:05 AM


named a star after you, once.

fell from the sky
a few years back
fitting, don't you think?

still look for it though
- time to time -
wondering why city lights
obscure the night,
like your smile
covered distance.

==================================
imagining a time
when you outshone Cassiopeia
and I was the darkness.

==============================
of course,
that's just remembrance,
cathartic immolation;
burn me alive inside,
brinked on the edge
of my heart's demise.

see, heaven just isn't high enough
to keep my feet on the ground
and 'memory' is just another word
for sorrow.


================================

OH MAN!!......
Moth in worship mode...let me get me knee pads....
have mercy..
Chris..this is stunning...this is heart on sleeve, ache off the page emotional sincerity,  absolute unadulterated pure poetry.
You took the star inspire and worked the theme to poetic perfection with your imagery, personification and analogies...
and my oh my..the impact of those closing verses....like being kicked in the chest..yet you wrote it so we even welcomed the pain.
very very cool write poet sir...
mind if i keep in me mothy collection ...
filed under pretty blue flame
thanks
(IWIHWT)!!!!!!

No one has ever shown me how to see the world the way I see it now ...
and I never saw blue like that before.

~Tom Kimmel~

Nicole
Senior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 1835
Florida
6 posted 2002-11-12 11:34 AM


If you could actually reach "heaven" then it wouldn't be the "perfect" image that it's set up to be from a distance. (I speak in generalities here, of course)  Funny how that works, eh?     I like the turn that your writing is taking - you've grown SO much over the years that I've known you, as a writer.  Liked this one bol

[This message has been edited by Nicole (11-12-2002 11:35 AM).]

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
7 posted 2002-11-12 11:47 AM


Chris

You leave me breathless with this one!

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
8 posted 2002-11-12 12:04 PM



Oh.

oh.

more later.

Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley
9 posted 2002-11-12 12:06 PM


You hit home with this one (and have the ladies swooning at your feet!). This is top quality writing!!! I guess you're like a fine wine (not whine) you get better with age.
Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

10 posted 2002-11-12 12:07 PM


this...shines...

Excellent work C.... makes me wish I had written it... I'm envious the style and the talent....

Bravo!

Corinne
Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167
state of confusion
11 posted 2002-11-12 12:56 PM


Hi Christopher,

I love this kind of poetry, comparing the constellations to love and human tendencies.

I'm going to do something I don't normally do in this forum - put my crit hat on.
Has a wonderful start and I love most of the entire poem. Some comments:

wondering why city lights
obscure the night,
like your smile
covered distance.

(not sure I get the analogy of her smile covering distance to the obscuring city lights)

I see others up there,
not yours,
bright, glowing, blinking -
different.

(different - good - how life has changed)


you called me evil then:
another way to say
you loved me.
then, oh then,
your sea-slate eyes sparkled
like that one over there,
the one you can see
even through the mist.

lovely.

of course,
that's just remembrance,
cathartic immolation;
burn me alive inside,
{brinked on the edge
of my heart's demise.} -

"heart's demise" kind of struck me as cliche.

suggest the following cuts in last stanza:

heaven isn't high enough
to keep my feet on the ground
(or, to keep me grounded)
and memory is sorrow.

Just some suggestions, mind you! You're a very talented writer - always enjoy reading your work and watching you grow!

Peace,

Corinne



SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
12 posted 2002-11-12 09:18 PM


"named a star after you, once.

fell from the sky
a few years back…
fitting, don't you think?

still look for it though
- time to time - "


Oh yes....stings so we scratch the itch, and itching it makes it sting......
hitting on emotions here Kissy Face...but, you do that very well  

[This message has been edited by SEA (11-12-2002 09:19 PM).]

Sandpiper
Senior Member
since 2002-06-15
Posts 738
land of flora and fauna
13 posted 2002-11-13 08:51 AM


"I tilt back and dream,
imagining a time
when you outshone Cassiopeia
and I was the darkness."

One can only hope they are dreamed of in such a way.

Duncan
Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455

14 posted 2002-11-13 08:30 PM


'named a star after you, once.

fell from the sky
a few years back…
fitting, don't you think?

still look for it though
- time to time -
wondering why city lights
obscure the night,
like your smile
covered distance.'

You do this so perfectly, C.  It is, as you would say, 'honest'.  And ya know I appreciate the sentiment.  Those last four lines...damn.
  

Connel
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2002-11-04
Posts 736
Florida, USA
15 posted 2002-11-13 08:34 PM


Great poem.. I enjoyed the read.. Thanks for sharing.

I wish to become a great poet some day, but it will only come in time. Til then, I shall write my poems, and wait.

Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

16 posted 2002-11-13 11:16 PM


Sighhhh... Christopher... this is beautiful.. absolutely beautiful.

Maree

Honeybee
Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372
Ontario, CANADA
17 posted 2002-11-13 11:20 PM



Dang!  Chris, you blow me away with this, now this is poetry!  It's your best by far and it would be an honour to save this in my library...gawd this is an amazing write!

Take care,
Melissa~

"Poetry is not an opinion expressed...
it is a song that rises from a bleeding
wound...or a smiling mouth"

~Kahlil Gibran~

Red
Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 143
Ca
18 posted 2002-11-14 12:06 PM


I can't help but to reply when I read one of your poems because I always love them so much and feel that I should really tell you that.  This, of course, was no exception.
"your sea-slate eyes sparkled"-- I like that.

Excellent.  

quietlydying
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz
19 posted 2002-11-14 03:59 AM


ohhhhhh...  this was good.

very good.

but i'm waaaaay too tired to say anything even remotely intellectual, so i'll stop here before i put my foot in my mouth.

but i loved it.  really.

i just hope i remember to come back so that maybe i can say a little something about the poem.  instead of giving such a generic reply that it could be applied to our local weekly weather forcast for the central prarie regions.  

/jen/

i'm so bitterly disappointed.  betty, i think it's time you leave now.

Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

20 posted 2002-11-14 04:44 AM


Soon...I will critique this...so until then...K goes hush. But wants you to know that I haven't forgotten it...

K

Tracey
Member Elite
since 2001-08-29
Posts 2808
where insanity meets breeding
21 posted 2002-11-14 07:14 AM


A gorgeous piece Chris. That missing you feeling that sometimes just won’t go away. Often times your poetry brings a memory back to me, and this one did particularly. Those last two lines said it perfectly.

You can never win or lose
If you don't
Run the race

Psychedelic Furs - Love My Way

Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania
22 posted 2002-11-14 07:20 AM


Your heaven is too high for most poet pens to reach
What a magnificent piece
It doesn't get any better, i believe, until I see your next verse
You lift the pages of passions to new heights
Best regards
Liz

Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration
23 posted 2002-11-15 12:29 PM


Karen - sighing here. thank you. the rhythm was important on this one, though sometimes i forego it in favor of content. very glad it came through. hugs you, hope you're seeing the sky tonight.

- writing as you is the best you will ever be able to do... writing like someone else would make it no longer yours *smile*

regards2you - Thank you for stopping by.

JM - You sure make it hard for me to act humble, you know? Than kyou so much for your continuing support and admiration, makes me enjoy writing all that much more.

Nic - so much truth that i'm amazed it only took that many words. hugs you, bol of them.

Martie - thank you kind lady, for always stopping by.

Mom - Waiting.

Sharon - blushing here... flatterer! thank you love, pop my cork anytime!

Ron - Thank you - to have someone say that is the peak of a writer's ego.

Cor - Thank you for your critique. It's muchly appreciated. I will look at your comments and maybe give a revised version in the future.

Susanofer - awwww... itching stings and association... hugs you

Sandpiper - something i didn't think of until you said that... thank you.

D - Thanks m'man. always appreciate you stopping by, kind of like confirmation, lol

Connel - Thank you for reading

Maree - hugs you, thanks for the sighs

Melissa - thank you, thank you. hugs and appreciation here.

Red - Whew! Didn't know i was under scrutiny! now i'm going to be nervous!

Jen - I look forward to hearing more from you, and appreciate your sentiments about replying.

K - Waiting... tap-tap-tap.

Tracey- and your words are also much appreciated. thank you lady, for stopping by.

Liz - i don't know what to say... you've left me near speechless... uhm, again. thank you with all sincerity, you've left a smile and a sigh in your wake.


C

Ceinwyn
Member Elite
since 2000-07-09
Posts 2175
VA
24 posted 2002-11-15 01:29 AM


Your words left my heart breathless and my soul standing in mid air..Seriously breathtaking now that's a rare jewel you have there, now if only my muse would let me write like that..amazing and what are you feeding your muse anyways !? perhaps mine is getting tired of coke and rum lol

Kristen

If at first you don't succeed destroy all the evidence that you tried.

Stanley Climbfall
Junior Member
since 2002-11-15
Posts 16

25 posted 2002-11-15 03:53 PM




My deepest sympathies to you, how bracing memories can be yet toiled by the stains of tears they paint! I wish nothing but the best for you ahead! Good day to you, kind sir!

Stanley Climbfall

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA
26 posted 2002-11-15 05:32 PM


Chris...wow, I'd have to say this is my absolute favorite of yours. Now get it out there!!!!(to the publishers) I'd hate to have to pin down my favorite lines in this one as the all struck on a grand note for sure, but the last 4 lines...pure genious my friend.
Time to take your bow now
(applauds loudly)

~ Ruth

If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
  
  

Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
27 posted 2002-11-15 05:49 PM


Unbelievably beautiful, Chris. How anyone could walk away from this kind of stardom is beyond me. You really are evil, yanno, to make us all wish we could be such a mistress for just one night!
Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration
28 posted 2002-11-16 01:03 AM


Ceinwyn - Gosh, leaving ME breathless here. As to the whole rum & coke thing... uhm... sounds good to me? no way to tell though, my muse is such a precocious girl.

Stanley Climbfall - 'stand, climb, and fall / you carry the world / can't carry it all' Somewhat fittinghere. Thank you for stopping by and welcome to Passions.

Ruth - Uhm... that would take effort though, and i'd have no idea where to start! thank you though m'friend. good to see you again.

Midnitesun - Ah, but remember, I was darkness... that's not so hard to walk away from, right? thank you, thank you.

C

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
29 posted 2002-11-16 05:48 PM


wonderful writing

M

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
30 posted 2002-11-18 05:31 PM


Very nice...James
vlraynes
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...
31 posted 2002-11-18 05:52 PM



Christopher~
I've read this at least 20 times now, and each
time I come back to it thinking that I'll be
able to come up with an intelligent reply.
Well, guess what...it's not happening, so I'll
just speak from my heart.
This is probably the most beautiful write that
I've seen come from your pen.  This is so filled
with emotion and heartache.  
Each time I've read this, it has left me with a
lump in my throat and an ache in my heart that
just made me want to hug you.
I could say more, but I'd probably just end up
repeating myself, so I'll just say that I absolutely
love this and it touched me in a way that few poems do.
Big HUGS to you,
~Vicky

"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

[This message has been edited by vlraynes (11-18-2002 05:56 PM).]

Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration
32 posted 2002-11-20 12:22 PM


M, James - Thank you!

Virgil - I don't even know how to respond... you've rendered me speechless! Thank you, kind lady, you've pasted a smile to my face today!

C

Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136
Mobile, AL
33 posted 2002-11-20 01:43 AM


Do we have a self smacking self icon around here? Geesh....Thats what I'm doing for not responding to the actual good poetry around here..specially this one.

I read it once...I read it again..and again....I loved it each time, and although that may not be a detailed enough explanation of why.

I'm just not doing so well with the words these days, yanno?



~~I Love You~~

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
34 posted 2002-11-20 04:01 AM


being a mistress myself, (though not proud to admit) this one hit home and made my eyes well up.
rwood
Member Elite
since 2000-02-29
Posts 3793
Tennessee
35 posted 2002-11-20 09:30 PM


She is lucky to be described this way..through your eyes..Perhaps Cassiopeias Chair...now she resides..and thinks how the evenings look sooo good on you.

Gorgeous web of thoughts..

Sincerely,
Reg

Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration
36 posted 2002-11-22 06:07 AM


Jen - thanks. Words like that make it worthwhile.

passingshadows - well, i'd have to say if you weren't proud of it, it might be time to consider a different route. i was using "mistress" in a different context here, though i appreciate your own views.

Reg - hey cutie! good to see you again, missed ya! (seriously, was going to send an email a week or two back, but uh, forgot for some reason ).

[This message has been edited by Christopher (11-22-2002 06:07 AM).]

kaile
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Ascendant
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146
singapore
37 posted 2002-11-22 11:53 AM


Hi Chris,

all i can add to the comments above me is that i am glad that i came back in time to read this one...simply adored the last two lines...they put a smile on my face ("hey, isn't it kinda true what he's saying?") and left an ache at the same time ("oh gosh, to still suffer from your past")

brilliant!

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989

38 posted 2002-11-22 12:47 PM


Chris I printed this out to take it along to lunch so I could take the time to absorb the words.
This is one of those few writes that can't be just read, it needs to be heard....

you spoke, and I didn't just listen......
I heard.  
Each time that I read one of your writes I am more and more convinced that some day we here at Passions will all be able to say "I knew he would go far."

All I want is and autographed copy.....  

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
39 posted 2002-12-14 04:27 AM


I'm sorry for coming back to this one, but I just love this one so much...
bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855

40 posted 2002-12-19 01:10 PM


Quite bright and dark.
Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration
41 posted 2002-12-19 05:56 PM


Kaile - Thank you so much for reading again and again. That you were able to feel mixed emotions is high praise indeed.

Donna - *sigh* No autographed copies anytime soon, but we'll work onit, k? THank you for hearing.

Passing Shadows -

Mikey - Thank you sir, for the resurrection and the comment.

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #23 » Mistress

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary