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Open Poetry #23
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ecrivan
Member Elite
since 2001-12-10
Posts 3923
my own state

0 posted 2002-11-11 11:36 PM




Wonder if a longer life is an answer
when so many suffer at living shorter ones
take in a deep breath before a final sigh
it was good that life
by golly how it went so fast.

life past eighty when the mind is chipper
tenacious grasps onto threads of continuity
those DNA spirals still perform their duties
but the lack of tissue repair exceeds
the rate of cellular death now superceeds

down the life's cobbled path Dorothy's troupe went
in search of courage,a brain and heart
wonder if a longer life would have made a dent
so many suffer for the lack of basic qualities
common in places of well fed, nutured kids.

by golly how life races ahead of invention
periods peel away like dead skin
one innovation becomes obsolete after the next
t'was a good life for what I thought it would bring
how rampant its wheels turn after futile nuturing.

yet a spirit of longevity gets the better of me
am aware that a longer life is no answer
to population explosions or shortness of breath
would that I could hold on for eternity
take in a deep breath before a final sigh
and exit stage right with a standing ovation.



[This message has been edited by ecrivan (11-12-2002 05:10 PM).]

© Copyright 2002 Martin Dansky - All Rights Reserved
DawnG
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2000-06-23
Posts 1494
United States
1 posted 2002-11-12 12:55 PM


Ericvan,

Wow! This is a very deep poem. A lot of good points to be said here. I enjoyed this a lot.

                     Dawn

majnu
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Senior Member
since 2002-10-13
Posts 1088
SF Bay Area
2 posted 2002-11-12 01:03 AM


a simple thematic peice that was quite pleasurable to read. i can't put a finger on it but your works consistently flow very well.

sp: j'aime votre nom mon bon ami!

-majnu
--------------------------------------
Timid thoughts be not afraid. I am a Poet.

ecrivan
Member Elite
since 2001-12-10
Posts 3923
my own state
3 posted 2002-11-12 05:11 PM


Hello,

I don't think that this piece is as exceptional as you make it out to be but do realize that the subject matter is definitely rich and that the style is somewhat narrative

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