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To Discipline In Other Ways Or To Spank? The Question I Ask Today
| Open Poetry #23 |
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To Discipline In Other Ways Or To Spank? The Question I Ask Today |
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garysgirl  
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA 
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To discipline in other ways or to spank ? the question I ask today Do you have an opinion, or would you like to say? "Spare not the rod", in the Bible we are told Were those just the customs in the days of old? To the extreme they take it, some parents do What do you think, I'm asking you? When I was growing up and in trouble I would get From Mom, a spanking, or sometimes Dad she'd let "This hurts me more than you", she'd always say to me If some kind of discipline I hadn't got what kind of person would I be? I've never been quite perfect, maybe sometimes a little wild If I hadn't known I'd be disciplined, I might've been a terribly unruly child Who had no respect for others, parents, teachers, or anyone I'm very sorry to say, as many today have done With violence everywhere, in homes, schools, and on the street Sometimes you never know what'll happen, when some people you meet Now, I know there are much more kids who are kind and good And all these violent acts to do, they certainly never would But would discipline have helped the others, in our world today Restriction or to spank, your opinion, would you like to say? [This message has been edited by garysgirl (11-09-2002 03:41 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Ethel GG Kent - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
Interesting write. I spanked my own psyche when I spanked, and am thankful that I found another way to say 'No' to my child before spanking became a senseless habit. Discipline and respect are not founded upon spankings, thank God. I think every adult generation feels the following one lacks discipline and respect. You've raised such a deep issue here, I think the responses could fill several pages of differing reactions. Thought provoking, thoughtful write. |
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garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Kacy, thanks for replying to this question. Yes, you're right about every generation thinking the next one is so bad. I agree that there are much better ways to discipline a child besides spanking, because so many parents get carried away with the hitting of a child. I know that restriction from something my daughter really wanted to do was much more effective with her..... even with limited phone privileges. Thanks, again, for your reply. "Love makes the world go around" |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (big hugggssssssss) Oh Ethel, I too believe spanking is so very wrong, I admit too I was a little mischievious in the past but I always wanted to be a good person and make peace with everyone, but boys my age didn't accept that and threw me against fences and swiped me with tree branches and I ran home crying and begging for my dad to help me but he told me to be a man and it felt so urgent to me and I couldn't help but beg "Please" then he spanked me for talking back to him and not being a man! (wipes tears) Now I am grown up, and I forgive my dad and love him, yet those tears may never escape me! (sad sigh) Knowing this, I think it is wrong to use punishment like that and rather to just limit or put curfews on things they like to do for a limited time so then while they can't do them they might learn lessons morally and the forgiveness comes much quicker between a child and parent than being physical! (sad sigh) This is an excellent question, sweet friend, God Bless You, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Ethel, thank you for sharing! May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Yes, Noah, the emotional scars stay much longer than the physical ones, don't they? I'm sorry that this brought back painful memories. You are such a sweet, kind-hearted soul. The thing that made me think of this was the two little boys (12 and 13) who were on trial for murdering their Father. They had a very bad home life, from what I understand. "Love makes the world go around" |
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Auguste
since 2000-02-16
Posts 3953By the sea |
I always used time-outs and they worked well for my child. Now that he's 14 he loses privileges if he misbehaves. However, never really been a discipline problem. I've been very fortunate. The stars will shine when I am gone, |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
I was spanked once in my life, and my mother said my father cried after... My father's strict voice alone would make us all behave..although I must say one of my younger brothers did manage to get into trouble and then lay the blame on the rest of us..My parents would just punish us all by saying go to your rooms..I thought that very unfair since I was always an   But I think children need and want to know their limitations and if a parent is clear on those, most children will follow. ..but there are always exceptions. Never ever say ..the next time you do this, I will punish you, because there will always be a next time and the child knows this (they are smarter than us when it comes to manipulation). Ah the teacher in me, comes forth on the subject of discipline. Isn't loving a child better than having to discipline them? And loving does not mean gifting them with things..but your time, your understanding and your gentle touch of hugs. ~sighing~ M |
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neill Junior Member
since 2002-11-06
Posts 13 |
against the grain... hitting and spanking are on opposite sides of the spectrum. i believe spanking is ok when coupled with much love and heartfelt explanation. And done completely without anger. they say your child is most vunerable and open to suggestion right after punishment. Ever spank you child, tell them why and how much you love them and then feel them crumble in you arms? ok, ready to be crucified ... |
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paladin
since 2001-08-05
Posts 930Pensacola,Fl. |
No matter how you try to justify it.Spanking is still hitting a child.Horses can be trained using what is known as the "gentle hand" method.It is very hard to do.It requires a lot of time and patience.Is'nt it better to train with firmness and example. paladin |
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SmartChick Member Rara Avis
since 2001-09-23
Posts 7081On A Journey To The Unknown |
I found when I was raising my kids that taking an activity they really enjoyed or one of their favorite toys away for awhile was suffient enough. I myself never did like to spank a child. I also don't think it matters alot how a child is raised. Once they get old enough to make their own decisions, they will do what they want. But, by all means, discipline does help lead them in the right direction. |
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Tammy Blessing Member
since 2002-08-26
Posts 366PA |
My, but this is a very controversial subject! I totally agree that if you do feel you MUST use spanking as a disciplinary measure, you should never do so in anger, but I have also found that to be almost impossible to accomplish. I myself was spanked frequently as a child and my efforts to avoid the punishment usually led to my Mother's anger and the spankings frequently turned into beatings. I tried to spank my daughter only once in her life before I found another way. It seems that no matter how calm I thought I was beforehand, HER efforts to evade the spanking only made ME get angrier and I had to leave the room quickly WITHOUT having accomplished much because I could NOT allow myself to do what my Mother had done to me. So you see, it is easier said than done. We instead learned to employ the 123 method, which we found quite effective. When we got to three it was either 5min in the corner (and when she was young I had to deal with it as well and stand with my back against hers to keep her there)or no dessert, etc.. I am happy to say that I NEVER get to 3 anymore and she is a wonderful,well adjusted child who is exceptionally well behaved. It all comes down to consistancy. If you follow through, even if it means you punish yourself at first (like standing in the corner WITH your kid)then they learn discipline and it does NOT have to involve spanking. Okay..sorry for the letter everyone, but it is a sore subject for me. Please just remember that if parents would just spend a little more TIME on their children, there would be no need for spanking or for any severe disciplinary measures. It only takes a few minutes to become a parent, but it takes a lifetime to be a good one... |
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garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Tammy, I totally agree with you. This is a very touchey subject with me, too. The reason I even posted this is because of the controvery over the two little King boys who are in jail because of their Father being murdered. I'm trying to be careful about posting my opinions on that, because all the circumstances haven't been published and I don't know all of them. The King boys upbringing in their young lives seem to have been so unsettled. Your last sentence in your post is the most important one of all, in my opinion. Michael..... Maureen..... Neill..... Paladin.... Sue....... I truly thank each of you and appreciate all of your opinions. Each person is entitled to their opinion and it seems that each of us has our own personal reasons for ours. Again, I thank you all for replying to this very sensitive subject. May God bless you all. "Love makes the world go around" |
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Walter Poe Senior Member
since 1999-10-13
Posts 787 |
Got to reply to this When i was young i used to be very "self disiplined" if i did something i thought hurt someone in anyway i used to put myself to bed or in the corridor. Let me tell you its a very lonely way to grow up. As a consequence i have suffered quite badly from depression as my natural reaction to pain is to run and hide and as an adult the only place you can hide is inside yourself and the further in you go the worse it is trying to come back out. On the otherside my father was always a little to handy knocking me around. I don't want kids now ever im so screwed up i dread to think what id do to kids well i dont know if ive actually said anything here but ive said my piece and that is enough Take a good look at my face |
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Toerag Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622Ala bam a |
I've tried to mis behave....I've done everything humanly possible to get some of you sweet gals to spank me...but all of you are all just too damn understanding!!! I never hit my kids, (not until my son turned 20, now while he's beating on me to the point I have no choice but to hit back I do, but it's not severe and Oxyclean takes the blood right up with no stains), and my insurance is great, so is his, and when he does it while I'm working I have that little duck that sticks his head around the corner and says AFLAC..AFLAC...(we're having that damn thing for Thanksgiving by the way)..but I never had to use physical force with my kids. Mischief is normal and healthy, (boy am I a normal and very healthy person), and all you can do is try your best to raise your kids right, keep them occupied, sports, music, church activities etc., and pray they do nothing more than mischief. You can even train a dog without hitting....of course they don't come up with things to get into that a Toerag-Son does, (He got all that crap from his mother), but spanking doesn't really solve anything...good write gal. [This message has been edited by Toerag (11-12-2002 08:00 AM).] |
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Professor Gloom Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082of Depression |
Spanking or using pain as a teacher, Works well on the unreasoning Since pain is nature’s way of telling you not to do that, Pain is what pulls the hand away from the hot pan It’s a warning, a teacher to check first before grabbing. There comes a time when it no longer effective When there is the ability to reason Then it slips into abuse of the unprotected. Violence is a constant in modern society And is unavoidable at times And is needed at times. Like the Death Penalty it’s not a reform It doesn’t reform, it removes a cancer of society, At times it’s needed to be done. Likewise there are times when the situation can not be discussed And a spank on the sitter will get attention. Modern society has no buffers from pain While murders still happen by random drive by or a casual robber. Spanking is a choice And an option that must be weighed with the situation Not discounted by the mild and peace loving For they are the minority I wish they were not, But it is so. Gloom |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
It's rather ironic that my biggest arguments with my Dad are over disciplining kids... since I don't have any. *S* But he's of the old school and doesn't think discipline means anything if it isn't 100% punishment... so when my sister scolds her kids and follows the scolding with a hug and kiss, he thinks the scolding has done no good... completely ignoring the fact that her kids are good kids any parent would be proud of. *S* She's obviously doing something right... and I'm obviously butting my head against a brick wall... After all, he'll say the closest he ever came to leaving my mother was when she'd lost her temper so badly he thought she was going to kill me... but he did nothing to make her stop. Bottom line, I think spanking is usually the result of a parent losing their control... and that doesn't teach a kid much of anything except pain. |
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Magnus
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135South Carolina, USA |
Seems this might be a take-off from a poem recently written about the willow and how it made a boy weep.... Excellent topic Ethel, with many strong answers and observations.... |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Kudos to you for generating such interesting responses. Not only did I enjoy reading your work, but I found the replies very thought-provoking as well! ~ warm hugs to a warm-hearted soul Linda |
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ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
A great discussion here Ethel. I will give you my honest answer. I have four children, three boys now independent, and a girl now nine. Since we are all human, there is little one can do to remove anger from the equation...that is the dangerous part. And we all begin with the intention of doing a better job than what was done for us. That is the good part. There is no control over this life that we all live in, and our children need the benefit of all the best of the past. That includes: love, limits, good example, clear communication, education, and the right to be children...democracy does not begin until the age of 18. We have given too much power to the ego...this does not trample on anyone's painful experience...For anyone to be secure and to grow there must be balance. I believe that parents need to take any and all reasonable measures to teach well and protect their children. It is not for sissies...hard and life long work. With Love, ThisDiamond |
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garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Walter..... Toerag.... Professor gloom.... Suthern.... Barry.... Linda.... Kathleen.... I thank all of you for responding to this poem. It's also a sensitive issue with me. I appreciate all of your comments and opinions very much. "Love makes the world go around" |
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