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Open Poetry #23
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palmerj
Junior Member
since 2002-11-06
Posts 30
Coxsackie, NY

0 posted 2002-11-07 09:25 PM



Running in place,
While hiding his face.
Never winning,
Always losing.

Going nowhere fast,
While looking to the past.
Trying to forget,
Always remembering.

Fronts are falling down,
Watch them hit the ground.
Pressing on,
Never gaining.

His world seems bleak,
The stakes too steep.
Never winning,
Always losing.

© Copyright 2002 Jay Palmer - All Rights Reserved
Wind
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981

1 posted 2002-11-07 09:28 PM


Thats sad, and I hope it's not about you. The saddness is what made it such a good poem. Try doing some more complicated rymes, to make it a little more spellbinding. That is the only thing i see that needs improvement!

"Sticks and stones will break my bones,
But words will break my heart"

Connel
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2002-11-04
Posts 736
Florida, USA
2 posted 2002-11-07 09:33 PM


palmerj,

I really enjoyed your poem, And dont worry, and dont be sad. You will start winning, and not losing. You wait and see.. Things will turn around.. Just keep your head up, and believe in yourself. And that my friend, Is a winner in my eyes. And im sure everyone here thinks that you are a winner too.

I wish to become a great poet some day, but it will only come in time. Til then, I shall write my poems, and wait.

Robert Adamson
Member
since 2002-10-21
Posts 328
PA/USA
3 posted 2002-11-07 10:03 PM


I'm sorry. But, I laughed my head off. Of course, I always laugh at myself. Thank you.

etoodog

Mistletoe Angel
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Empyrean
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
4 posted 2002-11-07 10:06 PM




(big hugggsssssss) Oh Jay, my heart goes out to you, sweet friend, know that every dog has its day and every day has a way and every one who may lose wull have a far greater share of wins to come! (sigh) He has a plan for all, may we all believe in ourselves, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Jay, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

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