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Open Poetry #23
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WhiteRose
Member Elite
since 2002-07-23
Posts 3208
somebody's dungeon

0 posted 2002-11-06 08:22 PM



So it's a story you want I write
no words the same, that ain't right.
Not to repeat one single phrase
now is like my old school days,
assignments too difficult for me
composing without dittoing.
Turning here, twisting there
flipping speech into air
watch as falling happens quick
this, dear poet, was some trick.

WhiteRose


[This message has been edited by WhiteRose (11-06-2002 10:02 PM).]

© Copyright 2002 Anne Thompson - All Rights Reserved
paladin
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Senior Member
since 2001-08-05
Posts 930
Pensacola,Fl.
1 posted 2002-11-06 09:32 PM


If it was easy.Anybody could do it.

paladin

WhiteRose
Member Elite
since 2002-07-23
Posts 3208
somebody's dungeon
2 posted 2002-11-06 10:00 PM


Thank you paladin..I think
Connel
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Senior Member
since 2002-11-04
Posts 736
Florida, USA
3 posted 2002-11-06 10:00 PM


WhiteRose,

You used the word "this" three times.

I wish to become a great poet some day, but it will only come in time. Til then, I shall write my poems, and wait.

WhiteRose
Member Elite
since 2002-07-23
Posts 3208
somebody's dungeon
4 posted 2002-11-06 10:02 PM


I only found it repeated twice, and revised. Thanks for catching that.

Am I just blind and can't see the other one?

[This message has been edited by WhiteRose (11-06-2002 10:03 PM).]

majnu
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Senior Member
since 2002-10-13
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SF Bay Area
5 posted 2002-11-06 10:03 PM


great bit rose!
WhiteRose
Member Elite
since 2002-07-23
Posts 3208
somebody's dungeon
6 posted 2002-11-06 10:05 PM


Thanks so much majnu, you're comments are always appreciated.
regards2you
Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940
California
7 posted 2002-11-06 10:20 PM


Anne, I loved the last three lines.
Fun read!


Warm Regards,
Pat

..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons..
        "Desiderata"

Mistletoe Angel
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Member Empyrean
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
8 posted 2002-11-06 10:30 PM




(smiles) Yay!!! Oh Anne, you did it and you did it so well! (kiss on cheek) Your talent is amazing, sweet friend, I love it, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Anne, hank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

WhiteRose
Member Elite
since 2002-07-23
Posts 3208
somebody's dungeon
9 posted 2002-11-06 10:40 PM


Pat, thank you so much for reading and responding. I kinda like the last three lines too. By then I was quite desperate for new words.

Noah, as always, you are a dear and you fill this place with your warmth whenever you are here. Thank you for reading and responding.

Marsha
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Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423
Maidstone Kent England
10 posted 2002-11-07 11:12 AM


Rose darling heart This is simply one of the best I’ve seen in a long time. I truly don’t get here enough but there is only so much time in the day. I’m glad I didn’t get to miss this utter beauty it is extremely special the writing is perfect and again you have written pure gold. Beautiful work really beautiful


Love and warm stuff
As always
Mushy

Breathe through the heat of our desire
Thy coolness and they balm
Let sense be dumb let flesh retire
Speak through the earthquake wind and fire

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