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Open Poetry #23
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Alicia
Member
since 2002-03-22
Posts 279


0 posted 2002-11-06 01:13 PM


one hundred blues and I said be still sophie

she said be pretty
be prepared and look this good
-as if looking that good would solve something
as if someone would save and provide just for it-
she said sit, but don’t get too comfortable
she was joking, in that pretty skittish way of hers (I think)
she held this tiny hope in cheap stainless spoons
and brought the tea in on a tray
she said tomorrow brings another shade
maybe one hundred and one
I said I know
I said be still
sophie
I said remain
I said it was okay to dream of running
when I knew her hands would lead her far from home
(soon)
when I knew her blue would bleed in tight/neat rows
I told her I was prepared
but not to look that good
-as if looking that good could fix anything-
she told me that she meant it
she told me to get lost
she told me I didn’t know what looking good was
what it could bring
she told me I didn’t know what blue was
and how many times it’s face can change
-as if I wasn’t nearing one hundred shades myself-
so I left with my eyes on the coat rack wrought
my small slight fingers by the door
and she watched my feet fumble forward
she watched my lips mouth 'remain'
mouth 'be still
sophie
be still'.

© Copyright 2002 Alicia - All Rights Reserved
Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989

1 posted 2002-11-06 01:15 PM


wow.......this is so expressive and detailed.  I really enjoyed this.  
Decaflame
Senior Member
since 2001-05-11
Posts 1635

2 posted 2002-11-06 01:49 PM



be still...
for to see one hundred and one
stories
wrapped in a poem
is a lot to take in...
be still...

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

3 posted 2002-11-06 02:22 PM


she held this tiny hope in cheap stainless spoons
and brought the tea in on a tray
she said tomorrow brings another shade
maybe one hundred and one
I said I know
I said be still
sophie
I said remain
I said it was okay to dream of running
when I knew her hands would lead her far from home
(soon)
when I knew her blue would bleed in tight/neat rows
================================
so I left with my eyes on the coat rack wrought
my small slight fingers by the door
and she watched my feet fumble forward
she watched my lips mouth 'remain'
============================


when I knew her blue would bleed in tight/neat rows

would you understand if I just let that say it all?

No one has ever shown me how to see the world the way I see it now ...
and I never saw blue like that before.

~Tom Kimmel~

brian madden
Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374
ireland
4 posted 2002-11-06 04:22 PM


-as if I wasn’t nearing one hundred shades myself-
so I left with my eyes on the coat rack wrought
my small slight fingers by the door
and she watched my feet fumble forward
she watched my lips mouth 'remain'
mouth 'be still
sophie
be still'.


Alicia, so many emotions run through this piece, something new revealed with each read, I guess what I am trying to say is WOW...

I used to make phantoms I could later chase images of all that could be desired then I got tired of counting all of these blessings"h.devoto magazine

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

5 posted 2002-11-06 05:11 PM


You...have my total admiration.


majnu
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Senior Member
since 2002-10-13
Posts 1088
SF Bay Area
6 posted 2002-11-06 05:32 PM


very rich. is the "i" purposeful or laziness?

really so much here. this is one i'll have to think about for a while.

Spiros Zafiris
Senior Member
since 2002-10-20
Posts 982
Canada
7 posted 2002-11-06 06:45 PM


..Alicia../\..yea, quite a poem; very strong..

../\..Spiros

-----------------trees-------

Connel
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2002-11-04
Posts 736
Florida, USA
8 posted 2002-11-06 06:50 PM


You express a lot of feeling in this poem,.. Good job.

I wish to become a great poet some day, but it will only come in time. Til then, I shall write my poems, and wait.

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
9 posted 2002-11-06 06:58 PM


Alicia

Always the depth, the search, truth, discovery and the pain they all bring in your poetry. I admire the way you write!

reluctantlyme
Junior Member
since 2002-10-28
Posts 34

10 posted 2002-11-06 07:09 PM


You have a unique style of writing that I enjoyed very much.  Even the parts where the meaning wasn't clear to me, were smooth and rhythmical to hear aloud.  In particular I liked the repetition of thoughts and lines.  Made for a challenging read.

No matter how good looking she is... someone, somewhere is glad she's gone.
---Davey's helmet

Alicia
Member
since 2002-03-22
Posts 279

11 posted 2002-11-07 10:08 AM


~Gentle Spirit, Decaflame,...thank you, for reading, for your comments.

~JM, jmjmjm,...yes, that does it. Thank you softly.

~Brian, for reading still, repeatedly, uhm, I guess what I'm trying to say is wow, lol, thank you.

~K?,...(sometimes I speak with my eyes, my face, rather than my voice, and god, this is one of those times). Thank you dearly for reading.

~majnu, thanks! And I believe it's both, so totally both! Thanks for reading.

~Spiros Zafiris, Connel, thank you kindly for reading, for your comments.

~Martie, for coming by, for the things you see and say, thank you.

~reluctantlyme, thanks for visiting really and for leaving something behind.

*Peace poets. .

RSWells
Member Elite
since 2001-06-17
Posts 2533

12 posted 2002-11-07 11:42 AM


Hopefully today's blue is of a sky which raises the chin from this deep blue. A dream of running only turns nightmare if someone's chasing you. Don't be still but don't get lost. If only I could write like this.......
Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

13 posted 2002-11-08 05:09 AM


The depth of your mind and soul just leaves me speechless, you're an incredible poet Alicia.

Maree

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