generation pecking order. machine heart disorder. rusty tear. now its clear.

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Open Poetry #23

generation pecking order. machine heart disorder. rusty tear. now its clear.

Lovesick_Proletariat
Junior Member

since 2000-07-30

Posts 11

0 posted 2002-10-26 06:24 PM

[gee i think i dont really belong in this place. you seem to be from a completely different generation....nothin wrong with that....its just a bit awkward......i have to say my attitude towards life is much less cheery lately.....

the format here is totally (edited) up. its my evil little experiment. im sure youll all hate it and tell me i need to change it. youve got a right to your opinion. you seem like such nice people. im gonna get me some applesauce now. / maybe this isnt the best thing ive written i guess i just dont care about the established rules anymore.
i have no idea what this means. and im sure you wont either.

[ in time the headshrinkers will sedate me. recreate me. burn me up and then frustrate the

[underground now who's found who is lost and who'll stick around when the bombs get tossed out of the planes im rearanged im just too strange. ]

theyll drop their bombs ill be their guns .hired ones to do their bidding. drafted into vietnam is afghanistan and kazikstan. bidding auction human lives. now who survives.

{////if you want to tell me this poem sucks. youre right.if you want to rip it to pieces....too late! ill do it first. its just horrible. oh my god! the format is all wrong! its like free verse or something.)))))

((this is all i can do ....i cant concentrate. god what a mess i have made. im sorry. it seems i have poetically vomitted all over your pretty blue forum. i think i like the smell of this particular vomit though. )))
back ache. pills to take but im afraid theyll make me wade inside this ocean filled with tears so rusted now from all the years of waiting waiting for a sign that maybe i wont have to fall in line.

have a funkalicious day.

[This message has been edited by Balladeer (10-26-2002 06:54 PM).]

Bill Charles
Member Patricius

since 2000-07-11

Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now

1 posted 2002-10-26 08:04 PM

Lovesick_Proletariat - Well now, this is quite a different poem from what I’m used to seeing, but not bad. I would say that you do belong in this place, just write away to your hearts content. No generation gap here, just thoughts, and that’s healthy, makes the world go around.

Anyway, just a little critique about your poem. Dictionaries aren’t that expensive, if you know what I mean. Not bad thoughts otherwise….

BC

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

2 posted 2002-10-26 08:25 PM

"back ache. pills to take but im afraid theyll make me wade inside this ocean filled with tears so rusted now from all the years of waiting waiting for a sign that maybe i wont have to fall in line."

It's been known to happen--serenity types wryly...

I can't honestly say that this touched my heart in some way--but it did make me smile.
and my back DOES ache--no pills to take either...shrug.

You've written quite a ball of energy here.

the_loner_23
Member Ascendant

since 2002-06-08

Posts 5479
Jacksonville, Florida, USA

3 posted 2002-10-26 09:28 PM

This poem is interesting. But I still like it.

Cold hands means a warm heart

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