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Open Poetry #23
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Friendly Night Villanelle
| Open Poetry #23 |
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Friendly Night Villanelle |
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Professor Gloom Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082of Depression |
Keep from the streetlight Least you are seen more clearly, Learn to fade with night. Hide when sun is bright, Then in dark rest the weary Away from all sight. Hide not from the fright But to hold yourself dearly From truth searcher’s blight, Those not knowing night, Think it is all dark scary And keep to the light Edge ‘tween dark and light Let shadows keep eyes blurry, To dark walls hug tight. Be a dark walker not one in the bright, Keep hidden in shadows soul and body, Let not either be held up to the light, The weak of day fear the walkers of night. Gloom The Villanelle Format is a19 line poem broken into 6 stanzas of 3,3,3,3,3,4 lines The rhyme scheme appears thus; a-b-a a-b-a a-b-a a-b-a a-b-a a-b-a-a. Use just two rhyming sounds. |
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| © Copyright 2002 Aszard Drazlom - All Rights Reserved | |||
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
A Villanelle To Villanelle Forever Bound, Me Being Me Forever bound in expressions of me Exposed little to some, others maybe more As always I dot my i, cross my t Wondering why, no one sees what I see Eyes viewing future, my present, before Forever bound in expressions of me Climbing each limb from the lower of tree Reaching top slowly, my strength rather poor As always I dot my i, cross my t Believing the best is, of course, yet to be Satisfied often, my thoughts inside store Forever bound in expressions of me Counting each minute 'til life leaves me free Doing my best, to please all I adore As always I dot my i, cross my t Confused and bewildered, I somewhat agree Water looks clearer on that distant shore Forever bound in expressions of me As always I dot my i, cross my t M [This message has been edited by nakdthoughts (10-25-2002 08:50 AM).] |
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the_loner_23 Member Ascendant
since 2002-06-08
Posts 5479Jacksonville, Florida, USA |
Awesome write Cold hands means a warm heart |
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Moonlight Romeo 
since 2001-09-10
Posts 982The heart of you |
Superior work, especially the 5-7-5 haiku style of the verses. An exciting merging of two styles. Thank you. What light through yon window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun. |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
Professor Gloom - since you encourage constructive critique I thought you might appreciate the link to one of Nan's magical explanations in the Poetry Workshop: /pip/Forum22/HTML/000223.html I really like your poem though.  |
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garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Professor Gloom, since I know nothing at all of the technical aspect of poetry, (as I'm sure all of you talented poets have gathered from my poems), I can't even make a worthy comment on this piece of work. I can say, though, that I love the way you wrote this and the way you rhymed the words. Thank you for sharing it all with us. Love To All, Ethel |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Absolutedly superb villanelle! I find this a very difficult form to write. I appreciate it when you explain the format of the various forms of poetry that you write! Thank you, Professor! EA |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
Nice poem, but it isn't a villanelle as I understand them. It is 19 lines long, but only uses two rhymes, while also repeating two lines throughout the poem. The first five stanzas are triplets, and the last stanza is a quatrain such that the rhyme scheme is as follows: "aba aba aba aba aba abaa." The tricky part is that the 1st and 3rd lines from the first stanza are alternately repeated such that the 1st line becomes the last line in the second stanza, and the 3rd line becomes the last line in the third stanza. The last two lines of the poem are lines 1 and 3 respectively, making a rhymed couplet. cheers J |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (sigh) Oh Aszard, this is excellent, sweet friend, the villanelle is one of the hardest forms of poetry to write but you have conquered this concept very well, I LOVE IT!!! This is marvelous, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Aszard, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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