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Passions in Poetry

Death be Not Black

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Sunshine
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since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


0 posted 10-20-2002 07:48 AM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine


Death Be Not Black

                      Nay, shall I not look 'pon
                      Death as black, black as this silk
                      
                      laid over thy looking glass,
                      nor black as the pillow
                      'neath your head
                      stark against this white
                      of thee's last bed

                      but reflect 'pon thy crimson rose
                      lying there

                      Nay, this demise be but
                      sweet release, my love,
                      as thy flight t'ward
                      that next life shall be thy
                      sweeter reward
                      than thou hast here
                      in this day's long shadows

                      but faint scent of thy crushed crimson rose
                      shall linger on

                      and only white shall greet
                      thy sight as thou wing
                      on t'ward heaven


~*~

Repost, slightly revised

[This message has been edited by Sunshine (10-20-2002 08:09 AM).]

© Copyright 2002 Karilea Rilling - All Rights Reserved
garysgirl
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since 09-29-2002
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1 posted 10-20-2002 08:35 AM       View Profile for garysgirl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit garysgirl's Home Page   View IP for garysgirl

Karilea, you have a wonderful way of writing something beautiful about all things...even "Death". Thanks for sharing.
Love To All,
Ethel
Enchantress
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since 08-14-2001
Posts 37801
Somewhere in time~


2 posted 10-20-2002 09:08 AM       View Profile for Enchantress   Email Enchantress   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Enchantress

Beautiful Karilea...
I especially liked the last stanza...
lovely words, indeed.
~Hugs dear lady~

~ Time has cast a spell on you
  So you won't ever forget me ~

SmartChick
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since 09-23-2001
Posts 7301
On A Journey To The Unknown


3 posted 10-20-2002 09:26 AM       View Profile for SmartChick   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit SmartChick's Home Page   View IP for SmartChick

Beauitful Karilea! You can indeed write about anything and make it sound beautiful.
Alicia
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since 03-22-2002
Posts 284


4 posted 10-20-2002 11:10 AM       View Profile for Alicia   Email Alicia   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alicia

~There is much to learn from you K,...this is so delicate, so peaceful, if ever such a thing/time can be. Thank you for your poems. *Peace.
Crazy Eddie
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since 09-14-2002
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5 posted 10-20-2002 11:24 AM       View Profile for Crazy Eddie   Email Crazy Eddie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Crazy Eddie

Sunshine,

I’m not sure I like this too much, archaic language use is fine in context but generally fails to work for several reasons. The main problem stems from a failure to convince the reader that the piece isn’t just a modern attempt to mimic a dead language and gain credence as a poem by default. Misuse of the ubiquitous and obligatory thy and thee’s are the first obvious pointers, inclusion of words that are relevant to modern language but would have been foreign to the ears of poets at that time are another. All this leaves a feeling of plasticity which tends to distract the reader (this one at least) from the poem itself.

Only my opinion of course.

[This message has been edited by Crazy Eddie (10-20-2002 11:25 AM).]

Seymour Tabin
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since 07-07-99
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Tamarac Fla


6 posted 10-20-2002 11:24 AM       View Profile for Seymour Tabin   Email Seymour Tabin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Seymour Tabin

Karilea,
you are shining bright this morning. Enjoyed
RSWells
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since 06-17-2001
Posts 2607


7 posted 10-20-2002 12:59 PM       View Profile for RSWells   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for RSWells

Black in deaths mourning was for those close to the deceased a way to be anonymous so that death would not be lured to them. I enjoyed the allusions and of course the period feel to this.
Mistletoe Angel
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8 posted 10-20-2002 01:05 PM       View Profile for Mistletoe Angel   Email Mistletoe Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Mistletoe Angel's Home Page   View IP for Mistletoe Angel



(smiles) Wow, I just love this, sweet friend, even death has a residue of hope that streams from ones whispers and the flowers they leave behind with a voice that echoes on and on! (big hugggsssss) This is loveky, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Karilea, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

regards2you
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since 10-01-2002
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9 posted 10-20-2002 06:45 PM       View Profile for regards2you   Email regards2you   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for regards2you

Karilea, I appreciated Crazy Eddie's reply only in that what he is ~teaching~ you (less the thys and thees which I don't use) is exactly what I tried to explain to you after you critiqued one of my poems, though you didn't reply back to me, after four frustrating attempts by me for clarification from you.

I didn't take your scant advice for had I, my piece would have been
counterfeit, no matter the seeming quality.

I do not have the educational background to know if Eddie is correct in his assessment of this poem.

But, the essence of what he is saying is exactly what I meant regarding the writing of my own poetry. I hope you understand the point. Re, this poem I couldn't see it well; too large for my 19" TV/WebTV - knocked my eyes out trying to view it..Sincerely, Pat
    

..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons..
        "Desiderata"

Earth Angel
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Realms of Light


10 posted 10-21-2002 04:14 PM       View Profile for Earth Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Earth Angel's Home Page   View IP for Earth Angel

Karilea, I enjoy reading poetry that sounds as though it were written in another era.

No poem will be received or interpreted in the same manner by all of its readers. Vive la difference! Personally, I found your words to be eloquently and beautifully expressed and very comforting. It is one of the most peaceful and hopeful poems on death that I have ever read and I am saving this fine piece of writing in my library.

luvya
Linda
Madame Chipmunk
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since 12-05-2001
Posts 8552
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11 posted 10-21-2002 04:51 PM       View Profile for Madame Chipmunk   Email Madame Chipmunk   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Madame Chipmunk's Home Page   View IP for Madame Chipmunk

I find this rather comforting, Karilea...
and you wrote it so perfectly too!
~ loving hugs

Lyra

copyright2002 Lyra Nesius

"poetry is life distilled"  Gwendolyn Brooks

WhileIWasGone
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since 07-18-2002
Posts 503


12 posted 10-21-2002 05:24 PM       View Profile for WhileIWasGone   Email WhileIWasGone   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for WhileIWasGone

WOW This is so beautiful...enjoyed very much.

DeaDiAmore
Kethry
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since 07-29-2000
Posts 9235
Victoria Australia


13 posted 10-21-2002 05:51 PM       View Profile for Kethry   Email Kethry   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kethry

Kari,
I remember this, I remember how it inspired me before and is likely to do so again. Thank you for revising and re-posting.
Kethry

Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind.  Unknown


Dark Angel
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since 08-04-99
Posts 10270


14 posted 10-21-2002 06:06 PM       View Profile for Dark Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dark Angel

Very beautiful Karilea

Maree.

p.s adding to my library
Larry C
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since 09-10-2001
Posts 10765
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15 posted 10-21-2002 06:10 PM       View Profile for Larry C   Email Larry C   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Larry C's Home Page   View IP for Larry C

Karilea,
Hmmmm, I thought your critique message was to allow remarks about the impact of your poetry. I don't recall you giving consent to be critiqued for style or content. Regardless...

The joy of your poetry for me is its uniqueness. It is not a style I have any ability to write. As for the thee's and thou's, they are fond memories of the KJV scriptures my parents read to me as a child. And since there is much religious about the process of death I find your style here to be exceptionally appropriate. But then again that is the opinion of one with no poetic education whatsoever. Simply my heart speaking of a very personal experience with loss and how your words touch my breaking heart. Bless you, always.

If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

vandana
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16 posted 10-21-2002 06:56 PM       View Profile for vandana   Email vandana   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for vandana

enjoyed
Sunshine
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Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
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Listening to every heart


17 posted 12-11-2002 01:31 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

garysgirl, thank you for seeing it this way.  Unfortunately, most of my poetry seems to come in line of a lesson... even if only to me!

Enchantress, I liked the last stanza, too.  Thank you!

SmartChick...what a NICE thing to say!  Thank you!

Alicia, do you suppose I'm a frustrated teacher?

Crazy Eddie, thank you.  I still have a long way to go in order to get back to the write of then.  

Sy, when I beam on you, every day is a good day.  Thank you!

Richard, I wear black almost every day.  What do you suppose I am subconsciously saying?  Hmmm...I've got to figure that puzzle out soon!

Thank you so much, Noah!

Thank you for that information, Pat.  Sorry I missed the post you are referring to.  I cannot always get back to the posts on which I leave a message.  But I do appreciate your advice, as well as Eddie's.

Linda, yes.  I believe we all work hard to improve our own poetry, and of course mine is no exception at all.  Over the course of my years here at Passions, I've learned my strong points, as well as my weak points.  I keep trying to work on the weak side, when I should probably just trash 9/10ths of my stuff and work on my strong points only.  But then...I'd be very predictable, wouldn't I?  Aye, there's the rub!

Lyra, for some reason, I found comfort in knowing that you read this.  Thank you!

Thank you, Dea!

Kethry, just as you inspire me, sometimes that is all I can hope to do.  Inspire another.  Thank you!

Thank you Maree.  

Ah Larry, bless YOU!

Thank you, Vandana!
gemjop
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since 11-18-2002
Posts 2663
Pencilveinia, USA


18 posted 06-06-2004 03:16 PM       View Profile for gemjop   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for gemjop

a beautiful keeper. not knowing what to say here.....
 
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