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Open Poetry #23
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ecrivan
Member Elite
since 2001-12-10
Posts 3923
my own state

0 posted 2002-10-15 12:56 PM




Sure that body molecules
find their way back into layered soils
into the stuff that makes living things
which exchange gases into the atmosphere
to make earth different from Mars.

Sure that totem poles continue to be hoisted
descendants fervently erect carved testimonies
their spirits record journeys in dance and chants
as everyday man records journeys to daytime jobs.

Sure that solar system are bigger than we thought?
that sightings of outer planets continue to pour in
and our molecular stuff oozes back into other life forms
spirits record their endless journeys under orbital guidance
and office man forever rotates through revolving doors.



[This message has been edited by ecrivan (10-15-2002 01:02 AM).]

© Copyright 2002 Martin Dansky - All Rights Reserved
Professor Gloom
Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082
of Depression
1 posted 2002-10-15 09:35 AM


I think you’re trying to say something very deep here,
Perhaps in a bit too bulky of a way.

Sure that body molecules
find their way back into layered soils
into the stuff that makes living things
which exchange gases into the atmosphere
to make earth different from Mars.

Body bits,
Molecules that in us all fits,
Drifts back into the layers soil
In which we struggle and toil,
Each breath taken so dear
Mingles with the atmosphere
That layers deep twinkles the stars
To make Earth different from mars.

No offense is suggested by my rewrite,
I only am using it as an example of what I meant.
To lighten up a heavy subject matter.

Gloom

the_loner_23
Member Ascendant
since 2002-06-08
Posts 5479
Jacksonville, Florida, USA
2 posted 2002-10-15 03:03 PM


Awesome work

Cold hands means a warm heart

ecrivan
Member Elite
since 2001-12-10
Posts 3923
my own state
3 posted 2002-10-15 11:16 PM


thanks Prof. Gloom,

had to refer to the recycling of body parts
on several occasions..but the point was not the distintiveness from other planets..any way to much info in too little space I guess.

loner,

thanks for sharing


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