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Teen Poetry #6
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Thoughts (Plz Read)
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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Thoughts (Plz Read) |
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Inioth Junior Member
since 2003-09-18
Posts 12Calgary, Alberta |
Hey everyone I've been writing for a bit but have never posted anything, here are a couple of my poems let me know what ya think: Thought 5(Walls) Why do they always want me to open I like being closed They say there's a wall there Why should I break it down?? Give me a reason What would you do if it wasn't there?? Hurt me like the rest?? Give me a reason.... A reason is all I ask I think my wall needs to be higher....I can still see you Thought 10 (Desire) (working on the title) Why do you do it? Show off your body the way you do? Like a piece of meat off to be auctioned... Leaving nothing to be desired You're used goods, no one will take you Except someone you don't want He'll show you off like a prize And you'll recoil, but it's what you wanted wasn't it? That is why you do it, you know it's true you'll just never admit just another one of the cattle, hope all goes well you'll never see me in the stands... Thanks for reading Opinions are welcome [This message has been edited by Inioth (09-18-2003 12:55 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 Inioth - All Rights Reserved | |||
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magic_612 Member
since 2003-07-31
Posts 190NB, Canada |
hey I liked the second one the best. The title is also pretty good, it really made me want to read the poem. I hope to hear more from you and thanks for sharing |
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Inioth Junior Member
since 2003-09-18
Posts 12Calgary, Alberta |
There are 2 more of my poems in the critique forum |
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Allysa 
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
I actually liked the second one better. It reminded me of last night. I was at a concert and some girl was all over this thirty year old security guard and she was like fifteen years old. I thought that was slightly sad and that people need to have more dignity. Anyway.. later. |
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Inioth Junior Member
since 2003-09-18
Posts 12Calgary, Alberta |
seems like everyone likes the second one.... ahhh I like em all, I have lots more, I'll keep posting as the day goes on....my style seems to always be questioning, life, love, politics, religion....I like it but thanks a lot for reading...bye for now |
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Nia New Member
since 2003-09-18
Posts 4Canada |
I actually like the first one better lol, just because I can relate to it. The second ones good but I like the first  Good work!! |
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Inioth Junior Member
since 2003-09-18
Posts 12Calgary, Alberta |
LOL well like I said I like them Both....I'll post 2 more tomorrow one is very meaningful to me and definately has the bad overtones like these 2, the other is very nice, I wrote it for a friend who just broke up with her boyfriend to cheer her up I'd post em tonight but I gotta work so Talk to everyone later glad you all liked them =) |
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WinterWren Senior Member
since 2002-12-01
Posts 1044...Coming to |
I like them both. Though I have to say I like the first one better. I think it's like Nia said, I can relate to it. Excellent work, Thanks for sharing. WinterWren |
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