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Passions in Poetry

Always Your Friend

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jaysh
Member
since 04-16-2003
Posts 141
IL, USA


0 posted 09-07-2003 04:24 PM       View Profile for jaysh   Email jaysh   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for jaysh

When the sky turns navy, almost black,
And breeze blows shivers down your back,
When how you feel is on your own,
Remember me, you're not alone.

When all you see is what's not there,
And when it seems that no one cares,
When you've left, and stopped believing,
Remember me, cuz I'm not leaving.

When you need to just let go,
And when your flowers will not grow,
When you think your heart won't bend,
Remember me, always your friend.


Note** This poem was written for a friend of mine that was going through a rough time, I decided to post it on here, to see what you guys think of it.

By: Janna Shaffer Age: 15
© Copyright 2003 Janna Jae Shaffer - All Rights Reserved
yankees01rugby
Member
since 08-13-2003
Posts 54
USA


1 posted 09-07-2003 10:32 PM       View Profile for yankees01rugby   Email yankees01rugby   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for yankees01rugby

this reminds me of my friend and i, we have been friends since first grade and i will always be there for her and i hope she will be there for me when i need it!  great write!

Love is like quicksand, the deeper you fall the harder it is to get out

BrokenAngel
Member
since 01-06-2002
Posts 144
Puryear, TN, USA


2 posted 09-08-2003 01:48 PM       View Profile for BrokenAngel   Email BrokenAngel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for BrokenAngel

A very heartfelt write.  Your friend is very lucky to have you.

Read my work and read my thoughts
I'll go back into the night now
---Night Angel

chasing rain
Senior Member
since 05-15-2001
Posts 1281
Canada


3 posted 09-08-2003 06:17 PM       View Profile for chasing rain   Email chasing rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for chasing rain

jaysh:

Wow, the meter was almost flawless, and the rhyming was very well done! I really enjoyed this post. I remember reading some of your works before I went missing for a few months, but you've certainly grown poetically.

The message was simple, yet you wrote it beautifully. My only critique? Try not to use "cuz". It's a slang, shortened form for 'because' and I know we all use it when we talk, but the effect spelling and words have on a reader is very important. Instead of 'cuz', try "'cause'". It looks more formal, I understand that, but it makes it look like the poem means more to you than just words...it means you took the time, and time is so valuable.

I'm sure your friend appreciated your poem, since I would have done the same. Keep up the great writing! Hopefully I'll see your poems around on the forum!

-Leah
peachesNcream
Senior Member
since 08-21-2001
Posts 521
Ocean Of Tears


4 posted 09-08-2003 08:36 PM       View Profile for peachesNcream   Email peachesNcream   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for peachesNcream

Thank you SO much for the read! This was excellent, and I'm sure your friend loved this poem! Sometimes there is no better way to express how you feel about a friendship than in a poem! GREAT WORK! ~Jess

"At the touch of love, everything becomes a poem." -Plato

WinterWren
Senior Member
since 12-01-2002
Posts 1044
...Coming to


5 posted 09-09-2003 10:49 PM       View Profile for WinterWren   Email WinterWren   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit WinterWren's Home Page   View IP for WinterWren

This brought some tears to my eyes,
A true work of art, there wasn't one word out of place. I don't think I can express all the emotions I got out of this poem,
it means alot to me. Thank you for sharing.

WinterWren
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

jaysh
Member
since 04-16-2003
Posts 141
IL, USA


6 posted 09-14-2003 01:12 PM       View Profile for jaysh   Email jaysh   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for jaysh

Thanks guys, and yeah Leah, i did feel kind of out of place, when i put cuz in there, like it didnt fit, I'll change it, thanks for commenting, Im glad everyone liked it.
 
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