Life (or something like it)

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Teen Poetry #6

Life (or something like it)

sixington
Member

since 2003-07-14

Posts 53
Utah

0 posted 2003-08-22 11:48 PM

I have a pretty damn good life
there's dinner on the table,
I 'sleep' in a comfortable bed.
My parents 'love' me.
James 'loves' me.
Shelby 'loves' me.
Cara 'loves' me.
And yet i cry.
I don't see the beauty in the world,
because the only beauty is in my pain.
In the intricate designs that trickle down my arms,
In the mundanely simple designs that trickle down my cheeks.
In the horribly confused designs that are drawn on my heart.
My broken, battered heart;
There I find beauty.
but they still 'love' me.
And they don't wonder
how to love someone as
unlovable as me.
But I know how it's possible.
and the truth is, kid:
It ain't.

tell me what you think, cuz i'm pretty unsure.

Match
Member

since 2002-07-01

Posts 286
Canada Edmonton

1 posted 2003-08-23 03:29 PM

Well I enjoyed this because haven't we all felt like that? "In the intricate designs that trickle down my arms" wo, I liked this line it brought me back to my old days which I have now since realised it aint worth it.
Yeesh look at me ramble what im saying is I liked it

-ash

peachesNcream
Senior Member

since 2001-08-21

Posts 513
Ocean Of Tears

2 posted 2003-08-23 07:02 PM

In a few parts, I was confused but over all I really like this poem. Good work! ~Jess

"At the touch of love, everything becomes a poem." -Plato

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

3 posted 2003-08-23 10:03 PM

"I don't see the beauty in the world.." I think the poem would be most effective if it started here. I found the whole begining unecessary. You have some great lines, some deep thoughts..good piece.
~Lex

[This message has been edited by Lexy (08-23-2003 10:04 PM).]

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