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Teen Poetry #6

Music, So Silent

peachesNcream
Senior Member

since 2001-08-21

Posts 513
Ocean Of Tears

0 posted 2003-07-29 11:07 PM

The music has become so silent,
My pain now has no escape,
The violion soothes,
The guitar makes it all come to life,
Tears, I have shed,
Alone I slip into the abyss of reality,
Dreams simply become shattered,
Hope will not be a future friend,
Only a lost meaningless word.

Colder, I've become,
Ice freezes my thirst for living,
While scorching flames evaporate my will to breath,
I will live on, but,
In the end the music is silent.

*I think I need to do some more work on this one! Esp with the 3rd and 4th line...they could be much better. Any suggestions or comments would be greatly appreciated!!!*

"At the touch of love, everything becomes a poem." -Plato

dertah
Senior Member

since 2003-06-18

Posts 584

1 posted 2003-07-30 03:49 PM

im not one for critiques, but i liked this one.

SilentTears
Member

since 2003-02-15

Posts 371
Lost and Broken

2 posted 2003-07-30 10:39 PM

I remember you reading this to me...but I figured I'd reply anyway. I like it...I really like the line about the scorching flames. You used really descriptive words...I like! Love's.

As I smile at everyone else, I'm dying inside... ~Me

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