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Peeps-Peter
Junior Member

since 2003-07-19

Posts 14

0 posted 2003-07-27 05:36 PM

The cool, lush water
sculpts hard, warm rocks like clay.
The rocky sandy beach
Looks spectacular under the sun.
I watch the stones skip across the water
like frogs.
The rush of the silent current
uncovers stones under the sand.
The little lizards
hide safely from us under a rock.
The water hits the rocks
with an explosion of mist.
The rapids throw the sticks around..
like little people.

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

1 posted 2003-07-27 07:43 PM

nice moment described here....

riley

*the bloody tide comes in on the shore, time after time*

dertah
Senior Member

since 2003-06-18

Posts 584

2 posted 2003-07-27 09:41 PM

woooohhhaaaaaaaaaaa. nice one.

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

3 posted 2003-07-28 01:36 AM

This is a good poem, Peter. Anotehr amazing piece for someone your age. I'm impressed that this comes from someone of your maturity and experience. It describes a special moment and time in life, well done. My only suggestion would be to take the dots off the second to last line. It takes away from the ending.

~Titus

The few. The proud. The Marines.

kj
Junior Member

since 2003-07-28

Posts 15
Australia

4 posted 2003-07-28 02:37 AM

this is georgous

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

5 posted 2003-07-31 04:46 PM

You painted a great visiual of a beautiful moment. I appreciate this. And your outlook on nature. Well done.
~Lex

[This message has been edited by Lexy (07-31-2003 04:46 PM).]

freudian_slip
New Member

since 2003-06-20

Posts 7
collective soul of humanity

6 posted 2003-07-31 09:21 PM

I enjoyed the descriptions in this piece, nice prose but imho it might be even better if you took out some of the definite articles (i.e. 'the')

[This message has been edited by freudian_slip (07-31-2003 09:27 PM).]

*Belabebeautiful*

Senior Member

since 2003-01-03

Posts 696
washington, USA

7 posted 2003-08-01 01:17 AM

Ahhh..the nature freak in me loved this piece!! I enjoyed your other one a little bit better as far as meaning goes but I truley enjoyed this one for the imagery it was just one of those types of poems were after you read it you just kinda sat back and sighed with a small smile on your face. Lovely work
~Live and Laugh~

The problem with resisting temptation is you never know if you'll get the chance again
~Bella~

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