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SimpleDiscourse
Member

since 2003-04-24

Posts 79

0 posted 2003-07-21 12:11 PM

I dreamt of a touch,
That was steady and slow,
Unsure yet confident,
And I took your hand,
To let you know I didn't mind.
And everything was slow and careful,
And your eyes. . .
Had something I'd never noticed.
Ironic, huh?
How when I felt something for you,
You were never in my dreams.
But now that I've forgotten,
You feel the need to remind me.

Eh, this isn't so good..just some feelings I have after a strange dream....asndm,. Bah, stupid boys.

What would you do if I could have you?

Magia_negra
Member

since 2003-07-16

Posts 77
CA, USA

1 posted 2003-07-21 01:47 AM

Last four lines are good, very good!

...somos los locos para siempre
para siempre te amo
mi vida...

sixington
Member

since 2003-07-14

Posts 53
Utah

2 posted 2003-07-21 02:47 AM

Its great how you show that time has passed. It was good, very deep. I liked the end. good.

BabieDoll
Member

since 2003-02-13

Posts 268
BFE

3 posted 2003-07-21 09:34 AM

This IS good. I loved this poem!

~J.Lynn

"In life you must dance like no one is watching, sing like no one is listening and love like it's never going to hurt..."

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

4 posted 2003-07-21 02:19 PM

mm...can I ever relate, especially the last couple lines. Made the poem for me. Yes, stupid boys is right..

~Lex

HopelessRomanticGuy
Member

since 2001-08-17

Posts 495
LI, New York

5 posted 2003-07-21 08:05 PM

I can relate to having strange dreams! Like one time I ...... nevermind. 'Tis a great poem, too! lol. Keep up the great writing!

Forever I will stand
always here with you.
Now stay and hold my hand
and together we'll go somewhere new.
~Rich~

dertah
Senior Member

since 2003-06-18

Posts 584

6 posted 2003-07-21 09:38 PM

and she mosies away. saying that god has healed her heart and no longer needs you. bah.......just wait.

Silent Evincar
Member

since 2003-07-22

Posts 179
Here There and Places Between

7 posted 2003-07-22 12:52 PM

Ouch, kinda hits home to ol' heart. I'm still trying to hold on to one who did this to me; poetic is it not. Stupid life, bah!

Rise of Truth
Member

since 2003-07-12

Posts 59
Beneath the Fury Sun

8 posted 2003-07-24 08:47 PM

Boys are stupid...granted. So long as you agree;

Girls are evil!

Match
Member

since 2002-07-01

Posts 286
Canada Edmonton

9 posted 2003-07-24 11:18 PM

Dreams...Dreams can be weird. I liked this one

-ash

I'm just kickin it up

peachesNcream
Senior Member

since 2001-08-21

Posts 513
Ocean Of Tears

10 posted 2003-07-26 01:51 AM

Oh my my this was wonderful! I can relate to what you're saying. The ending was AWESOME and the beginning set it up perfectly! ~Jess

"At the touch of love, everything becomes a poem." -Plato

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

11 posted 2003-07-26 05:24 PM

It's hard soemtimes to take dreams and express them in poem in a way that thoes of us not in your subconscious can understand... you have a great start here. I might expound the poem a bit, lengthen it, maybe express what was dream and what was reality, what was past and what was future with more words, but, I did enjoy the poem. Well done.

~Titus

The few. The proud. The Marines.

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

12 posted 2003-07-26 08:56 PM

i agree, it could have been a tad longer, but this was great..i loved it, a library piece for sure

quote:
I dreamt of a touch,
That was steady and slow,
Unsure yet confident,
And I took your hand,

amazing

riley

*the bloody tide comes in on the shore, time after time*

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