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Teen Poetry #6
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Scars on the Sky (repost)
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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Scars on the Sky (repost) |
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PoetryIsLife 
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763...in my boxers... 
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Suffocating cloud layers, colored dark, yet, full of life. Deafening waves of thunder, followed by scars on the blanket of the sky. Blinding light, here! Then there! Follow it, ground up, a glorious display of power, mixed with the whiplash water. Suddenly -- calm. Soft, watery caresses on my skin, thunder in the distance, lighting hidden in the clouds. I blink. It's begun again. [This message has been edited by PoetryIsLife (07-19-2003 04:58 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 Daniel Redding - All Rights Reserved | |||
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OtherSideOfTheMirror Member
since 2002-12-19
Posts 245 |
I like it... it's good. Details are good and it's a unique read. |
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Lexy Senior Member
since 2003-01-28
Posts 1038California |
yes, this was very good. Very descriptive. I liked it. I liked the title. ~Lex [This message has been edited by Lexy (07-19-2003 07:14 PM).] |
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Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
I haven't read this one before, I must have missed it the first time. I'm not sure I like this one all that much, it's not like the stuff you've written recently, I guess I'm getting used to your change of style or something. I did like this part though: "Suddenly -- calm." I like the way it just caused me to stop midpoem and then switch to a slightly different mindset. Good stuff on that one  *Linalu* |
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Riley
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038in the pouring rain |
wow, this was great....i loved it, it captured me the whole way.... ri *the bloody tide comes in on the shore, time after time* |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
Good Writing Mate  The Little Samurai Kitten |
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dertah Senior Member
since 2003-06-18
Posts 584 |
great read! and excellent choice of words. |
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*Belabebeautiful*
since 2003-01-03
Posts 696washington, USA |
"Whiplash water"...mmmm..liked that, has good imagery. The piece was definitly something I would choose to read again it was so captivating and in such a short poem, something I've tried and fail miserably at! Anyways I really enjoyed this piece I didn't see the first one, must have missed it, but the second one is beautiful! ~Live and Laugh~ The problem with resisting temptation is you never know if you'll get the chance again |
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Silent Evincar Member
since 2003-07-22
Posts 179Here There and Places Between |
I missed this!? Once again what cloud am I floating on? MY eyes followed every line gracefuly and didn't miss a detail. The sudden halting, the calm.... it caught me by surprise but then I wanted it to start anew. Yes, I give 2 and 1/2 thumbs up! NJS |
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Toasty Member
since 2003-06-09
Posts 74my little hole in wisconsin |
whoa...excellent, simply excellent.I can't think of anything else to say. It just sucked me in! keep up the good work! ~toasty "Nothing is so strong as gentleness; Nothing so gentle as real strength." -Francis de Sales. |
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barbaraj Member
since 2003-01-24
Posts 139Nova Scotia, Canada |
this poem was excellent!  great title.  kepp up the good work!~bjw~ ~You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in people, than you can in two years by trying to get people interested in you.~ |
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PoetryIsLife
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763...in my boxers... |
 The few. The proud. The Marines. |
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