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Teen Poetry #6
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sixington
Member
since 2003-07-14
Posts 53
Utah

0 posted 2003-07-14 01:38 PM



I hate you.
I hate the way you look at me,
I hate the way you smile.
I hate everything i ever see.
I hate the way your eyes tear up,
I hate the way you cry.
I hate the way you always say that i am not a f#ckup.
I hate the way you stereotype,
I hate your so-called friends
I hate it that you always gripe.
I hate the way you cringe.
I hate the way you look at me,
like you'll never look again.
I hate the way that your eyes shine.
I hate the way they hide you.
I hate the way that you won't be mine.
I hate the way he guides you.
I hate the rainbows on your car,
the pink and yellow shirts.
I hate that you will not go far,
but i will still not find you.
I love you.
I love the way you look at me,
I love the way you smile.
I love everything i ever see.
I love the way your eyes tear up,
I love the way you cry.
I love the way you always say that i am not a f#ckup.
I love the way you stereotype,
I love your so-called friends
I love it that you always gripe.
I love the way you cringe.
I love the way you look at me,
like you'll never look again.
I love the way that your eyes shine.
I love the way they hide you.
I love the way that you won't be mine.
I love the way he guides you.
I love the rainbows on your car,
the pink and yellow shirts.
I love that will not go far,
but i will still not find you.

© Copyright 2003 Amanda - All Rights Reserved
Lexy
Senior Member
since 2003-01-28
Posts 1038
California
1 posted 2003-07-14 03:05 PM


annoying. I found it annoying. the statements are good, but the constant I love I hate you thing just didn't work for me, borerd me, really. Just one persons opipion though.
~Lex

Toasty
Member
since 2003-06-09
Posts 74
my little hole in wisconsin
2 posted 2003-07-14 09:41 PM


I'm no expert, but here's my advice:
your statements are great, but repition can kill a good poem.Try to find different ways of wording the hate & love. Just a suggestion.

~toasty

"Nothing is so strong as gentleness; Nothing so gentle as real strength."  -Francis de Sales.

punkrockerrobin
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 1180
Sparks, NV
3 posted 2003-07-14 11:24 PM


wow even better than the pome on 10 things i hate about you
collarbone_girl
Junior Member
since 2003-07-14
Posts 45
Wonderland
4 posted 2003-07-15 08:17 AM


no... this was good. yeah, your choice of words could have been better, but not in the love hare bit. i liked the repetition, and if you had changed it it would take away the point of the poem. i've written one just like this before!! i like.

this cool noght air is curious...

frolicking dolphin
Member
since 2003-02-23
Posts 268
my own special world
5 posted 2003-07-15 10:31 AM


I don't really like this one, It's too much like the 10 things I hate about you poem, but it goes too far.

~*~Karen~*~

~Dream like you'll live forever,live like you'll die tomorrow~

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