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silvrduck
Member

since 2000-11-05

Posts 146

0 posted 2003-07-13 07:34 PM

it was so complete,
just so simply sweet,
humming the words
to songs we didn't know.

two years together,
a we and when to our future,
and in just four words,
you turned my world to ice,

It Wouldn't Bother Me.

I gave you everything
and all that I can't take back,
I guess I was wrong about you.
I thought I was more than just a temporary lover.

If you don't mind me leaving,
never holding me again,
never feeling me breathing,
then I was wrong.

I love you.
You were my first kiss,
My first love, My first time.
You'll be the first one I'll miss.

I cried last night,
just a few inches away,
and you didn't know it..
but while you were sleeping
your arms wrapped around me...
and you didn't know it.

*the chains which once held us are only the chains which we've made*
~jewel

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

1 posted 2003-07-13 10:13 PM

The first stanza was very good, I loved the last line of it the most. The fourth stanza was probably my favorite. And the last was really well written. Over all I loved this piece..it was sad.
Thanks for sharin'
~Lex..

[This message has been edited by Lexy (07-13-2003 10:13 PM).]

BabieDoll
Member

since 2003-02-13

Posts 268
BFE

2 posted 2003-07-14 10:04 AM

I thought this poem was very good. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years and I would die if I found out that I was only a 'temporary lover'. *sigh* Good job hun...

~J.Lynn

"In life you must dance like no one is watching, sing like no one is listening and love like it's never going to hurt..."

BrokenDreams
Member

since 2003-02-09

Posts 425
In The Clouds

3 posted 2003-07-14 11:15 PM

I really loved this. I really don't even know what else to say, so I won't say anything besides I'm sorry that things didn't turn out the way you wanted them to.

-Jen

"One's philosophy is not best expressed in words; it's expressed in the choices on makes." -Eleanor Roosevelt

frolicking dolphin
Member

since 2003-02-23

Posts 268
my own special world

4 posted 2003-07-15 10:39 AM

that was so sad but so very good, it was very well written and very emotional, nice work

~*~Karen~*~

~Dream like you'll live forever,live like you'll die tomorrow~

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