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Teen Poetry #6

Over The Summer

SimpleDiscourse
Member

since 2003-04-24

Posts 79

0 posted 2003-06-28 01:06 AM

Will we meet over the summer?
I want to know you
inside to out.
Let me devour your
fears and secrets.
Will we fall over the summer?
I want to press my
smile against yours.
Let me devour your
body and soul.
Will we end over the summer?
I want to leave you
crying and alone.
Let me devour your
heart and love.
Will we meet over the summer?
I hope so.

My poetry..has not been so good lately. Mild writer's block, I suppose.

What would you do if I could have you?

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

1 posted 2003-06-28 01:09 AM

a summer fling then? No need for breaking hearts though... that's just rough... (lol, teasing you) this is really good for having any kind of writer's block

Obsolete
Junior Member

since 2003-06-27

Posts 43

2 posted 2003-06-28 01:04 PM

Enjoyed it, well done.

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

3 posted 2003-06-29 03:25 AM

Not bad for having writer's block, fellow poet. This is a fairly good write. I like the idea behind the piece, desiring some passionate yet ultimately forgetable love during the summer. I think though, to be honest, this is a good start. I'd work on it a bit more, carry it out a bit more, flesh it out if you can. It seems a bit too... brief.

Hope you don't mind my thoughts.

Late.
Titus

snoduck
Member

since 2002-11-15

Posts 99
Selah, WA

4 posted 2003-06-29 03:52 AM

I agree with titus, a very nice piece but too short. Don't be afraid to edit. Oh and a very nice write for writer's block!

-Erica-

BabieDoll
Member

since 2003-02-13

Posts 268
BFE

5 posted 2003-06-29 10:04 AM

Don't worry about writer's block...this poem was good. Keep up the good work!

~J.Lynn

"In life you must dance like no one is watching, sing like no one is listening and love like it's never going to hurt..."

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