Carry the Damage With Me - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Spine Grinder
Senior Member

since 2000-10-28

Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

0 posted 2003-06-23 02:59 PM

With every breath,
I breathe it deeper.
Ever so slowly slipping,
Toward the Soul Reaper.

Leave the rainy days behind
And take control of...my mind.

The immortality of the dark
Captivates all of me.
The beauty of the sky,
Is all my eyes let me see.

Leave the rainy days behind
And take control of...my mind.

Trying to find some comfort
Amongst those far-away stars.
I’m slowly falling apart,
Merely held together by my scars.

Leave the rainy days behind
And take control of...my mind

In this world I feel alone,
Haunted by the things I should’ve known.

After our relationship went astray,
I just wanted to run away.
But I have no where to run to,
Since now I can’t run to you.

In this world I feel alone,
Haunted by the things I should’ve known…..

If You Wanna See A Rainbow, You've Gotta Live Through The Rain. And If You Wanna See Through Love, You've Gotta Live Through The Pain.

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

1 posted 2003-06-23 06:43 PM

Very good piece, soft, but the message is strong. I really love this one, especially the 5th stanza and the end.

WinterWren
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

Spine Grinder
Senior Member

since 2000-10-28

Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

2 posted 2003-06-23 08:23 PM

Thanks, I'm glad you liked this piece. Your thoughts are appreciated.

If You Wanna See A Rainbow, You've Gotta Live Through The Rain. And If You Wanna See Through Love, You've Gotta Live Through The Pain.

BabieDoll
Member

since 2003-02-13

Posts 268
BFE

3 posted 2003-06-24 04:05 PM

Great rhyme scheme...I liked the way you wrote this. It's a really good poem...expresses strong emotion. Good job hun.

Love ya!

~J.Lynn

"In life you must dance like no one is watching, sing like no one is listening and love like it's never going to hurt..."

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

4 posted 2003-06-25 05:32 PM

Great Writing as usual, keep up the great work

Andrew

BrokenDreams
Member

since 2003-02-09

Posts 425
In The Clouds

5 posted 2003-06-25 11:38 PM

You expressed this very well. Thanks for the read.

-Jen

I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not. -Kurt Cobain

SilentTears
Member

since 2003-02-15

Posts 371
Lost and Broken

6 posted 2003-06-26 11:26 AM

Hmm...really liked this one, as I do all of your poetry. I liked the imagery in this one. You did a really good job expressing feeling. I felt it the whole way through. Nice! Love's.

As I smile at everyone else, I'm dying inside... ~Me

Spine Grinder
Senior Member

since 2000-10-28

Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

7 posted 2003-06-26 08:59 PM

Thanks everyone. When I first started to write this, I was stuck after the second stanza LoL. But I left it for awhile, and then the rest of the poem just came to me a day later, so I like the turn-out, and I'm glad you all did too. Til next time folks-
"As I go, remember all the simple things you know,
My mind is just a crutch and I still hope
That you will miss me when I'm gone"~The All American Rejects

If You Wanna See A Rainbow, You've Gotta Live Through The Rain. And If You Wanna See Through Love, You've Gotta Live Through The Pain.

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

8 posted 2003-06-28 08:47 PM

this one is... haunting, almost. It's one of those poems that would be good to read when one is in one of those mellow moods when everything is just kinda... there, ya know? Well done

It is said the Creator has taken a handful of South Wind and given each newborn Arabian the power of flight without wings

Kandi
Member

since 2000-06-14

Posts 354
North of Hell

9 posted 2003-06-29 06:02 PM

This was extremely powerful. The last two lines especially caught my attention. Thhis is the kind of writing that makes the reader think long after they're done reading. Very well done, going in the ol' library....
~Kay~

Just wanna be funny,looks like the joke's on me.
So call me Captain Backfire.

peachesNcream
Senior Member

since 2001-08-21

Posts 513
Ocean Of Tears

10 posted 2003-06-29 10:28 PM

"Trying to find some comfort
Amongst those far-away stars.
I’m slowly falling apart,
Merely held together by my scars..."

That was my favorite stanza out of this poem! Honestly, I think this is one of your best ones. I really like how you worded everthing and how it turned out. This one is goin' in my library! Great work! ~Jess

"If I could give you one gift it would be my eyes...So you could see how it feels to be me looking at you." -Unknown

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.