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Teen Poetry #6
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Toasty
Member
since 2003-06-09
Posts 74
my little hole in wisconsin

0 posted 2003-06-13 11:06 AM


...... In memory of Danielle...........

maybe you had a hard night
maybe you've had a lover's spat
maybe you just didn't feel right
maybe you shouldn't have drank that

maybe if you hadn't taken your keys
maybe if you had been more careful
maybe if you had stayed to appease
maybe my friend wouldn't be dead

what if you had stayed
or tried not to fight
what if you'd stayed sober
and not drove that night

what if  
you had paid more attention
what if you had kept
your eyes on the road
what if you had stayed
and tried to save her
or at the least
kept her warm and sheltered from the cold

but you didn't
stay home, or put away that drink
you didn't stay at the bar, and not take your keys
you didn't pay attention
you didn't even mention
that the crash was your fault
to put her loved ones at ease

and now you've got a car to fix
and now you've got your bills to pay
and now you simply.. foreget
the life you ended
...and the maybe's of yesterday

"Nothing is so strong as gentleness; Nothing so gentle as real strength."  -Francis de Sales.

© Copyright 2003 Patricia Clark - All Rights Reserved
garysgirl
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237
Florida, USA
1 posted 2003-06-15 01:57 AM


Patricia, a very strong message in your post. You said it very well. I hope people will heed this message.
Hugs  
Ethel

Manth88
Junior Member
since 2003-06-15
Posts 45
IL, USA
2 posted 2003-06-15 02:17 AM


Hey I loved your poem, thought it was great.

!^*Manth88*^!

ESP
Member Elite
since 2000-01-25
Posts 2556
Floating gently on a cloud....
3 posted 2003-06-15 09:00 AM


Very strong write,
"...and the maybe's of yesterday"....perfect ending, powerful.
Thanks for sharing
Luv, Liz xxx

"Gorge the honey from life, and live through the stomach aches knowing they will pass..." ~Liz Pinard 2003~

Ratleader
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass
4 posted 2003-06-15 10:17 AM


Repetition can be a trap (says the guy with chomp-marks on his ankle), but it definitely works here....adds to the poem's impact.

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>   ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>  ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº>    ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

Toasty
Member
since 2003-06-09
Posts 74
my little hole in wisconsin
5 posted 2003-06-15 03:28 PM


thankyou! It's nice to have people read my stuff, not to mention take some kind of meaning from it. ( sigh) I wrote it because a dear friend of mine was killed by a drunk driver who pinned the blame on her because he thought he could get away with it.  I wrote this because I wanted people to realize just how dangerous & stupid it is to drink and drive. ( sigh) I'm done preaching now. ( moves off soapbox) anywho..
thanks for reading!

~ toasty

"Nothing is so strong as gentleness; Nothing so gentle as real strength."  -Francis de Sales.

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