Wait For Me At The Gates, Mommy.......

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LegalSecret69
Member

since 2003-06-04

Posts 69
Virginia

0 posted 2003-06-12 01:36 PM

This poem is not about me....it's just something I wrote for a friend...I wrote it in my spare time.... it's not the best, but I thought I would post it anyway....just for something to read, and to see how people would react to it.... I thought it was kinda sad myself.

As mom and dad argued,
I hid underneath my sheets
But in the other room
I could hear my mom getting beat
I tried to tune the noise out
but it always seemed so loud
The noise would seem so extreme
I could have heard it over a screaming crowd
Although the vision is not as clear to me
like it was when I was a little girl
I miss my mom more than you can imagine,
I have no mom to share jewelry with or borrow her grown up pearls.
No more mommy kisses, or tight mommy hugs
All I have is the memory, and how it always was
I remember when my mommy would kiss us all goodnight
We'd lay there reading stories, as she always held me tight

Mommy, I miss you and I can't wait to see your face
I'll see you soon, but just wait for me at the gates

idleeyes86
Member

since 2003-06-09

Posts 64
Somewhere over the rainbow

1 posted 2003-06-12 03:16 PM

A truly touching poem, the title and last two lines are truly beautiful and though I claim not to like poems that bring a tear to my eye, I will no doubt be returning to read this one again and again.

Everybody hurts, take comfort in your friends, cos everybody hurts sometimes

(r.e.m)

laurie
Member

since 2003-05-28

Posts 153
canada, ontario

2 posted 2003-06-14 12:01 PM

sometims writing a poem this meaningful for a friend is the best thing you can do for them, secret. well written, though the rhyming pattern was a little odd... though l never did like rhyming so that could just be me. anyway, it's good, and worth reading.
laurie.

WindSong
Member

since 2002-12-23

Posts 313
Long Island, New York

3 posted 2003-06-14 10:19 PM

I enjoyed this. Very touching. Great write. Peace. ~*Kirah*~

"Life is not measured by the moments we take,but by the moments that take our breaths away." -Author Unkown.

Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

4 posted 2003-06-15 10:45 AM

What a sweet poem, and so real it could have been written by someone who went through that very thing.

Your comment said you have doubts about it...I don't. It's darned good. Sometimes our best work is the very thing we doubt, because we have bits of our spirit tied up in it, and that makes us unsure.

Here's a poem by one of our best adult writers, who had the same kind of doubt that you expressed here, and actually wouldn't have posted it if I hadn't urged her to do it -- and it was one of the best poems put into any PIP forum that day....
/main/forumdisplay.cgi?action=displayarchive&number=79&topic=002612

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