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Otaku
Junior Member

since 2002-08-13

Posts 39
Western Australia

0 posted 2003-06-07 12:54 PM

Don’t make me laugh,
Your words are nothing but a joke..
Dare to test my wrath?
My fist..your blood will soak.
You never take me seriously,
Think I’m filled with lies.
Deceit..deception.
How the echo cries...
This infinite pain wasn’t meant for me..
Day’s suffering would mean Night’s tears..
Stabbing my heart with bleeding words
For..so many years...

I hate you.

And I mean that with every passage
In my mind.
Satan’s contract with my terrible fortune has
Already been signed.
But I’ll survive, because I’m
Not going to live with this..
One day I’ll run away, and
Find a world of bliss..
And then I’ll forget...
Forget these terrible times..
And all the hurtful, piercing words that
The chronic Devil mimes..

And so I open my eyes..
Uncurl from my shell..
I’ll take you down..
To the flaming pits of Hell...

I swear upon my blood..I’ll take you down..
To the flaming pits of Hell...

SumdayUwillAcheLikeIache
Junior Member

since 2003-06-01

Posts 10

1 posted 2003-06-07 02:52 AM

throbbing with anger and pain

LegalSecret69
Member

since 2003-06-04

Posts 69
Virginia

2 posted 2003-06-07 09:52 AM

This is full of intense anger... but it's very deep. I'll be looking for more.. "Secret"

chasing rain
Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 737
Canada

3 posted 2003-06-07 12:47 PM

Otaku-

Yup...I'd have to say this is a very intense poem. You've got your power, your hate, and your hockey-stick hell, but all in all, it was a very good poem.

Sometimes, I felt that certain parts of the poem were a tad clichéd, which could be the result of some forced rhyming. A lot of the rhyming was really well done, but sometimes I felt that it was forced. It's probably just me, though.

In any case, I'll be looking forward to your next post.

-Leah

ps- I take it you like anime?

blueyedlioness
Member

since 2003-04-24

Posts 289
USA

4 posted 2003-06-10 09:22 PM

Okay, I just read that twice... started to reply... left... came back and read it a couple more times... and now I'm finally replying.

And I'm still not coming up with anything to say.

Sometimes words just ruin descriptions, you know?

Okay, let me try.

First, the title caught my eye as "thank God! It's something different!" ... and what I found was far past what I ever expected.

You're an amazing writer... I can't even tell you WHY I liked this so much for fear of taking away some of the feeling of it.

I am definitely looking for more...

-Lioness

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