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Teen Poetry #6

Moment

Gabkicks
Junior Member

since 2003-06-04

Posts 13

0 posted 2003-06-04 10:43 PM

For a second he forgets he can’t feel her touch
He can’t hold her and feel her knees go weak
For a second loneliness doesn’t bother him much
Can’t imagine more than a kiss on the cheek

For a second he doesnt know what’s true
The soreness leaves his body and he feels cold
Cold inside, without a care
Except for someone that isn’t there
Then he remember that someone’s her…

(that was last week, i dunno how i feel now)

*Belabebeautiful*

Senior Member

since 2003-01-03

Posts 696
washington, USA

1 posted 2003-06-04 11:55 PM

Hello!! Let me be the first to welcome you to pip! there are a few grammatical errors that I noticed that you may want to fix but that's it on the critiques. I know what that sensation feels like though...It's like when you first wake up in the morning and you think everything is wonderfull then reality comes crashing in...sigh...Nice espression!
~Live and Laugh~

Always strive for excellence never perfection.
~Bella~

snoduck
Member

since 2002-11-15

Posts 99
Selah, WA

2 posted 2003-06-05 01:32 AM

i'm with bella, when you first wake up life is great, then once you're actually awake you get a big slap of reality.... i hate it.

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