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Teen Poetry #6

UNTITLED(to you)

Tabitha LeAnn
Member

since 2003-03-27

Posts 50
Kansas, USA

0 posted 2003-05-28 04:27 PM

If my actions don't do enough maybe my words will.
For me to give to you and not recieve is as if your out to kill,
not me but something in me you claimed to care about.
Are you ready to send me away forever without a doubt?
I know dahm well you didn't as for what I give,
but with out it could you say day by day your life is better lived??
I'm so tired and scared,
to think that I've lost all this time to someone who wouldn't give back so never truly cared.
I still wonder if all this to you is just a f*cked up game.
If you win in succeeding in the fact that my family and friends have all put me through shame.
I'm not her so will I never be good enough?
There's other guys that want me so don't think for one second I couldn't chose to travel a road less rough.
It makes my skin crawl when you think I would lie.
Time moves faster than you obviously think and soon my threats might turn into me really saying good bye.
How it is now I like especially just being with you,
but I honestly can't explain how much it would mean to me if it was us two.
If your so sure enough not to take a chance,
then I want you to look me straight in the eyes and tell me if I left, you wouldn't cry when you saw me and I don't even glance.........

ESP
Member Elite

since 2000-01-25

Posts 2556
Floating gently on a cloud....

1 posted 2003-05-29 07:52 AM

This is a very good, expressive poem...
Two things I'd like to point out:
1) Check it through for spelling, there are a few errors and this detracts from the overall quality of the piece.
2) You used a profanity disguised in Asterisks, which is not allowed here in Passions (refer to the guidelines for more information on this).
Otherwise, great effort and keep em coming!
Luv, Liz xxx

"Gorge the honey from life, and live through the stomach aches knowing they will pass..." ~Liz Pinard 2003~

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