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snoduck
Member

since 2002-11-15

Posts 99
Selah, WA

0 posted 2003-05-22 12:55 PM

A simple plan
To confuse and corrupt
Sedate and seduce
Never once
Knowing any different
Corruption
Was so beautiful
You never would have thought
A man
So handsome,
A shame to assume.

The pretty girl
Nobody liked
Was always first in line
Never been kissed
Yet she marveled
Amazing people
Of even the simplest stature
Her smile
Was that of an angel
Yet nobody noticed
How elegantly she moved

As I watched the sun
Slowly begin to rise
I pulled him close
I wanted
To feel his whole masculinity
To know it was mine
The insecurity slowly faded
As I drifted from sleep
Ready to face the world
For another day
After a mid summers night dream.

-Erica-

*Belabebeautiful*

Senior Member

since 2003-01-03

Posts 696
washington, USA

1 posted 2003-05-22 01:33 AM

Oh wow...flawless and beautiful, inticately woven emotions and an amazing picture to the mind. Absolutly lovely, such as I haven't read in a long time.
~Live and Laugh~

Always strive for excellence never perfection.
~Bella~

ESP
Member Elite

since 2000-01-25

Posts 2556
Floating gently on a cloud....

2 posted 2003-05-22 07:31 AM

Lovely flow in this...as dreamy as its name

Liz xx

"Gorge the honey from life, and live through the stomach aches knowing they will pass..." ~Liz Pinard 2003~

blueyedlioness
Member

since 2003-04-24

Posts 289
USA

3 posted 2003-05-22 11:49 AM

Makes me want to go back to sleep... wonderful job. I love that...

BrokenDreams
Member

since 2003-02-09

Posts 425
In The Clouds

4 posted 2003-05-22 12:00 PM

I like it...It made me smile but it's kinda sad at the same time. Thanks for posting.
Jenni

Every oak tree started out as a couple of nuts who stood their
ground. --Anonymous

AlostHeart
Member

since 2003-05-01

Posts 78
Wisconsin, U.S.

5 posted 2003-05-22 12:05 PM

Good Poem flow greatly. Love it ~Tori Louise~

Dont ever love a guy that will never love you back, no matter how hard you try.

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

6 posted 2003-05-22 01:02 PM

Very interesting poem...

The style you used was perfect for the intensity of the poem, the one/two-word lines worked well for emphasis. I was impressed with the rhythm in the beginning, but somewhere around the beginning of the second stanza. Something to go back and work on...

The simple imagery worked well for the idea of the dream. It struck me as possessing the similarities of the simplicity of love.

Your poem is beautiful. You've done a wonderful job... I encourage you, however, even with poems you wrote a long time ago, never write a "final copy" of anything. Always keep working and updating.

Awesome work, Erica. You are a talented writer! Thanks for the read.

--Marie

"You can be idealistic for all of ten seconds before you die." (Imitation of Life)

BrokenAngel
Member

since 2002-01-06

Posts 141
Puryear, TN, USA

7 posted 2003-05-22 07:22 PM

I love how you used a title from Shakespeare (even though not exact) for this poem. I think that title really grabs people's eye, at least it did mine. Wonderfully written, all the emotion is shown very well. Shakespeare would be proud!!

Read my work and read my thoughts
I'll go back into the night now
---Night Angel

[This message has been edited by BrokenAngel (05-22-2003 07:23 PM).]

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