"Rain in Summer" [Oh the joys of love...]

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chasing rain
Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 737
Canada

0 posted 2003-05-07 10:09 PM

Rain in summer, leaves and dew
Cast aside her pretty hue
That dwelled beneath her tarnished skin
Oh how she wilts as life gives in.
Her blood, a crimson, golden hue
Now turned to tear drops, azure blue
Too cold to touch, too warm to heal
A heart, too much to weld appeal.

Rain in summer, leaves and dew
Searching for her place with you.
A stone too gray to match her face
A rose too red to match her lace.
A sky too blue to match her eyes
Oh why must she wear this disguise?

Rain in summer, thoughts of you
Why must she die here for you?

* * * * *

Ahh...hapless love story. Too bad it's missing something. Ah yes..."the missing piece". A good book too. ^^

Leah

BrokenDreams
Member

since 2003-02-09

Posts 425
In The Clouds

1 posted 2003-05-07 10:24 PM

Ahhh...the other side of love...It's sad but it made me smile...weird. Yeah, anyway good write, the imagery was good throughout the whole thing.
Jenni

To hate you must first have loved.

Jeremy Halstead
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 569
Morris, Ill. U.S.A

2 posted 2003-05-08 02:15 AM

as much as I loved reading this poem (it's style and feel are soooo my type), I couldn't read it as anything other that a sad farewell to autumn although I can tell that there is something about it that I'm missing...I think that it's because I'm in no shape to be analyzing right now (if ya know what I mean...kareoke night, 25 cent drafts...you get the picture)...anywhoo, I really, really enjoyed the poem in the context I read it and I'll read it again tomorrow to see if I can pick up on it better...okay, I've jabbered on enuff now...GREAT STUFF!!!!

Jeremy

Be it in the truest form, or a desperate lack thereof, fail not to understand that the inspiration is love.

punkrockerrobin

Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 1180
Sparks, NV

3 posted 2003-05-08 02:23 AM

ahhh miss leah i haven't seen you in awhile! great poem girly!!!
robin

hi my name is robin and i am addicted to poetry and men!
cody saw some pigs so he tried to fly but he fell and went BOOM!

peachesNcream
Senior Member

since 2001-08-21

Posts 513
Ocean Of Tears

4 posted 2003-05-08 10:02 AM

Wow..this poem was really good! I was going to copy and paste my favorite part but really I liked all of it. I'm adding this one to my library! Great job! ~Jess

"What I am is good enough if I would only be it openly."

Android 17

Senior Member

since 2001-07-21

Posts 664
Winnipeg

5 posted 2003-05-08 05:51 PM

This work was just my bag, Leah! Although---rather than a love poem...it sounded like a "goodbye" poem.

Your work always puts pleasant images...so freshly and freely into my mind! Keep it up!

The world is good, and nothing bad ever happens!

EmbarrassedToBeHere
New Member

since 2003-05-07

Posts 2

6 posted 2003-05-08 08:18 PM

sniffle
i miss petrarch in a
way kind of an ironic twist on the historical if
you don't mind my saying though
you might try
twiddling with the couplet have
an anapest or two
in there shake
things
up a
little or
just get rid of it entirley
its like a sonnet with a
tumor
in a way just like a person with one
it makes you
stop
and think just
make sure that you end up thinking
the right
things
~dnp

[This message has been edited by EmbarrassedToBeHere (05-08-2003 08:20 PM).]

chasing rain
Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 737
Canada

7 posted 2003-05-08 08:28 PM

BrokenDreams- If love had another side, wouldn't that be hate?

Muahaha...uhh...*sigh* Anyway, glad it made you smile. Sort of. (^^)

Jeremy Halstead- Ah, Karaoke Night. Not exactly my spoon of sugar...I'm trying to keep my picture from landing in America's Most Wanted. lol, glad you enjoyed the poem. Good to see some enthusiasm around here.

Robin- Rocker punk! Long time no see! Good to see you around again.

peachesncream- I'm glad you decided not to copy and paste the entire thing. It would be a waste of time and a waste of space.

Adding it to your library was much more sensible. lol. Okay, I sounded conceited there. Never again. *runs for the hills*

Alex- GOODBYE?! Why would she be saying goodbye when the stupid lad is leaving here there?! Goodbye is too commonly known as a courtesy and not a choice. In any case, thank you for your reply.

EmbarrassedToBeHere- If anything, embarrassment should not be met with confusion. Welcome to the forums. Hope to see you post, as well as reply. You sound like a tough critic; I think we need that around here. Just don't forget your reasoning, or your dictionary. I will take your critiques into consideration, though next time, you might want to dumb down your lingo a bit...I'm not the only one who reads the critiques. Everyone learns from each other. *poke*

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

8 posted 2003-05-08 09:57 PM

wow, that was incredable, so expressive. I loved the first stanza. Amazing job.
~LExy

SilentTears
Member

since 2003-02-15

Posts 371
Lost and Broken

9 posted 2003-05-10 12:16 PM

*Sighs...*This is such a beautiful poem. Nothing is missing at all. The whole poem is beautiful. It is such a sad feeling...but it always brings a smile to my face. Nice write.

As I smile at everyone else, I'm dying inside... ~Me

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

10 posted 2003-05-10 02:16 AM

Wow, Leah, I must say that I like this

Course, I like everything you write, so it's all good.

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