Darkness Has Fallen Upon You

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

peachesNcream
Senior Member

since 2001-08-21

Posts 513
Ocean Of Tears

0 posted 2003-04-27 01:13 PM

I want to hear you...
Your sick voice,
Screaming out,
Reacing for something,
Anything will do,
Just something, anything,
You pitiful bastard,
How dare you show yourself in my presence?
The torment is relentless for you,
Good! I'm glad,
Never been in such ecstasy,
Only to hear your pain,
Is bliss to my soul,
For once you know what it's like,
To be alone.

"What I am is good enough if I would only be it openly."

Spine Grinder
Senior Member

since 2000-10-28

Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

1 posted 2003-04-27 01:19 PM

Jess, I didn't really like this as much as your other ones, but this had alot of emotion in it.

If You Wanna See A Rainbow, You've Gotta Live Through The Rain. And If You Wanna See Through Love, You've Gotta Live Through The Pain.

peachesNcream
Senior Member

since 2001-08-21

Posts 513
Ocean Of Tears

2 posted 2003-04-27 04:05 PM

Haha! Thanks. This isn't usually the way I write, if you haven't noticed. Really, I think it was because I was kinda in a bad mood at the time and it was my way of getting out. So yeah, haha. Thanks though! ~Jess

"What I am is good enough if I would only be it openly."

OtherSideOfTheMirror
Member

since 2002-12-19

Posts 245

3 posted 2003-04-27 06:37 PM

ACTUALLY i REALLY like that. Passion, anger, but meaning. That was awesome if you ask me, and as vicious as it was, it really made me think. It was a way for me to get my own revenge on people I feel that way about... only through your words. Nice.

-cassi

Jeremy Halstead
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 569
Morris, Ill. U.S.A

4 posted 2003-04-27 07:52 PM

wow....I don't think I've ever written anything so hateful....AWESOME!!!! this isn't your usual style but ya pulled it off just fine...great job.

Jeremy

Be it in the truest form, or a desperate lack thereof, fail not to understand that the inspiration is love.

blackandwhitehorizon
Member

since 2003-05-05

Posts 183
an akward state of mind

5 posted 2003-05-19 08:43 PM

this is really good! nice show of emotion

"Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up; these are the best days of our lives"

*Belabebeautiful*

Senior Member

since 2003-01-03

Posts 696
washington, USA

6 posted 2003-05-19 09:55 PM

Like others have said this isn't like your usuall stuff..overall hatefull mean spitefull..yay!! Venting poems rock! Go You!! I loved it! It had a lot of passion and a lot of meaning and at the same time it was one of those yeah! (then stick your tounge out) sort of things!
~Live and Laugh~

Always strive for excellence never perfection.
~Bella~

BrokenDreams
Member

since 2003-02-09

Posts 425
In The Clouds

7 posted 2003-05-19 09:59 PM

Anger, spite, hate, pure raw emotion, I love it! Sometimes ya just gotta vent...
Jenni

To hate you must first have loved.

HopelessRomanticGuy
Member

since 2001-08-17

Posts 495
LI, New York

8 posted 2003-05-19 10:01 PM

Although dark and angry isn't usually my style either, it sometimes needs release. I really liked this, for what it's worth. I admire the emotion released by it.

Too strong to give up, to weak to move on....

SilentTears
Member

since 2003-02-15

Posts 371
Lost and Broken

9 posted 2003-05-19 10:23 PM

I like this one. This isn't really your writing style...but sometimes it's refreshing to write about something different. Nice job!

As I smile at everyone else, I'm dying inside... ~Me

blueyedlioness
Member

since 2003-04-24

Posts 289
USA

10 posted 2003-05-20 04:38 PM

Hmm... yeah, I'd like to scream that in a few people's faces.

I'm not much for un-rhyming things, but that was awesome. It had so much feeling in it, it kept the whole thing moving.

chasing rain
Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 737
Canada

11 posted 2003-05-20 07:05 PM

peachesNcream-

I think this is the first poem I've read from you, although I'm not sure. I have a rusty memory.

<-- yes, let's all smile over that.

Since this is the first (I think), I can't really compare it to the other poems you've written. However, I thought you were extremely successful in your emotional delivery. It was like BAM!andtheentireworldshattersasawhole.
The only critique I have is a slightly difficult one to...define. Poetry is not only a piece of writing, but in a way, it also expresses one's self. You do this very well in conveying your emotions. But at the same time, the poem should take care in what it says and what it expresses. Often times, I felt the poem was on the brink of being a rant, and rants are not poetry. Poetry is not written down in a hurry without thought(I can't assume it was). A part of the artisticness of poetry is the thought process and taking the time to think over what you write. Another is how you reveal and share yourself with the audience and how they interpret it. A lot of poems not only convey the poet's point of view, but also encourage a thought in the reader. I believe you have the potential to do this. Keep writing!

-Leah

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.