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| Teen Poetry #6 |
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newguy04 Junior Member
since 2003-04-23
Posts 17ohio |
The darkness is all around In my life it controls me Im so sick of this Please god take the darkness away from me I will be free from it soon The darkness is all around All these problems coming togerther at once Making my condition worse My family doesn't care about me My friends mistreat me The girl i long for doesn't feel the same for me It will all be over soon The darkness is all around Plese give me feedbaack i dont know if i am doing this right [This message has been edited by newguy04 (04-23-2003 11:55 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 newguy04 - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Albino_Jenn Member
since 2003-03-03
Posts 105Ontario, Canada |
It's a good poem..the line break up was rather odd though..It gives the poem a different feel to it....Welcome to passions...I don't think you can do poetry right or wrong...simply from the heart!! Great Job I look forward to reading more from you!!!! Jenn **It's better to be hated for who you are, than loved for who you are not** |
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*Belabebeautiful*
since 2003-01-03
Posts 696washington, USA |
I think everyone had been there hun! I know I have at least, sounds like a good venting poem. You had a few spelling errors and a couple line breaks were off, but other than that well done. There is no right or wrong way to write a poem just write what you feel and try to make the words flow togather! ~Live and Laugh~ Always strive for excellence never perfection. |
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sykopathicfreek Junior Member
since 2003-04-22
Posts 24ohio, usa |
yes i have been there also, but life has a way to work it out. nice poem. looking forward to more. |
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