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Teen Poetry #6
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OpaqueView
New Member
since 2003-04-16
Posts 9
North Carolina

0 posted 2003-04-16 11:52 PM


Inspired by my boyfriend...u know how someone can come into your life and just change everything around in the least amount of time...after u took your whole life to...well just read the poem...

My slavery is of the mind, my closemindedness keeps me eternally confined.
Presuaded to believe the inevidable,I was skeptical to believe everything,like the mind of a rebel.
My established beliefs are not to be tampered with. It took my whole life to develop these morals and I will not drift.
A strangers opinion will not taint my own judgement, years of being lied to has made me reluctant...submurged in disbelief....

Until this one mysterious being comes along and incorporates himself in my mind...deep...permanently...irreversibly.
His thoughts slowly becomes mine...his innermost feelings are taking over me, got me blind, i can no longer see...my morals are now a part of my fictitious past...i`d never thought I`d let a stranger get the best of me...I hardly know who I am anymore...but wait...am I him?

© Copyright 2003 Jelisa Millsaps - All Rights Reserved
peachesNcream
Senior Member
since 2001-08-21
Posts 513
Ocean Of Tears
1 posted 2003-04-17 10:30 AM


I like this! What you were saying, can be true with many people. Sometimes it's bad but for you, it seems to be good! Keep writing! ~Jess

"The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept."

OpaqueView
New Member
since 2003-04-16
Posts 9
North Carolina
2 posted 2003-04-17 12:00 PM


Yeah it kinda makes u think... Do I have the same effect on him? Am I really that weak? its kinda crazy...but thanks for the feedback
Jenn Cirrincione
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107
Fl
3 posted 2003-04-17 12:14 PM


This isn't bad, quality wise. But the content makes me shudder. Don't ever believe that someone will be there forever, don't put so much faith in someone that they can hurt you, it's not worth it.

Jenn

"Now I'm convinced that he's heaven sent, and must be out of his mind- mama he's crazy, crazy over me."

OpaqueView
New Member
since 2003-04-16
Posts 9
North Carolina
4 posted 2003-04-18 01:43 AM


oh dont worry... i dont believe anything like that...
SilentTears
Member
since 2003-02-15
Posts 371
Lost and Broken
5 posted 2003-04-19 03:39 PM


I really enjoyed reading this. I felt it the whole way through. You had a perfect usage of words...and the rhyming scheme was incredible. Absolutely fabulous! Too bad you didn't consider this for the book, it would have made it!!! But keep posting...I love your writing!

As I smile at everyone else, I'm dying inside... ~Me

karebear07
Member
since 2003-04-15
Posts 64
Texas
6 posted 2003-04-19 04:27 PM


Wow someone who comes into your life can change it in a good way. I can relate so much. That was such a good poem keep writing.  -Kara <><
BabieDoll
Member
since 2003-02-13
Posts 268
BFE
7 posted 2003-04-19 06:42 PM


I really liked this poem. Good usage of words. When I read, I could actually envision this poem being a song...I heard a beat and everything. Good job.

~J.Lynn

"In life you must dance like no one is watching, sing like no one is listening and love like it's never going to hurt..."

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