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Teen Poetry #6
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chasing rain
Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737
Canada

0 posted 2003-04-11 07:13 PM


She crossed the desolate river Styx
Upon her raft, upon her shadows.
With her paddle, she paddled 'long
The waters of her sorrow.
Her heartbeat warm against her breast
She waited still for her unrest
But screams, they do not wish, posess
Her body cold from daylight 'morrow.
Awake! She cries, but still she dies
Among the silt of river Styx
That suffocates her skin; her eyes
They roll back dreams before her mind.
Her boat, her shadows dock at last
To watch the pictures of her past
And why her soul could not surpass
The stars that once, she knew.


How she wished the world could hear her screams
In black and blue with bloody seams
So they could hear her weep with sorrow
To die, but still she waits tomorrow.

_________________________________________
This is why people need to come out of their houses and enjoy the sunshine.
Rhyming is whacky here, sometimes obvious, sometimes subtle. I figure that screaming is too often associated with death or destruction. In a way, it is, but at the same time, it's a sign of life, or rather, a wish to live.

Aaaaaanyway...hope you can somewhat enjoy this.

Leah
© Copyright 2003 chasing rain - All Rights Reserved
WinterWren
Senior Member
since 2002-12-01
Posts 1044
...Coming to
1 posted 2003-04-11 07:58 PM


I did more than somewhat enjoy it.
Very good piece! I like the flow.
Well done!

WinterWren
"Even a fool knows that we cannot touch the stars, but that doesn't keep the wise from trying."

anonymousfemale
Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797
Limbo
2 posted 2003-05-21 03:00 PM


People have no appreciation for good writing - 1 freakin' reply...IDIOTS!!!!!!!!

Ok, now that's out of my system, another wonderful piece Leah. However, not as good as your others that I've seen. In the final lines, the first one seems a little out meter wise. It could have been the way I was reading it but...yeah, I have nothing to say now.

Liar? Me? No...

Maybe a little. You've still captured a good scene and created some pwetty wittle imagery that manages to captivate as per usual. Thanks for posting and I'm glad I saw it even if some people can't read.

*ignore me, I'm wired*

~AF~

I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

Fading Away
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia
3 posted 2003-05-21 06:08 PM


"to wake within her screams is but a comfort"  INDEED

Beautiful write, Leah. The rhyming was interesting... surprisingly, not distracting in any way.

Sometimes, everyone needs to open their eyes to more than their box..

Beautiful.

--Marie

"You can be idealistic for all of ten seconds before you die." (Imitation of Life)

AlostHeart
Member
since 2003-05-01
Posts 78
Wisconsin, U.S.
4 posted 2003-05-22 12:12 PM


Great write....

rhyming was good anyway!

I'll be waiting for your next write.........

Keep it up!

             ~Tori Louise~

Dont ever love a guy that will never love you back, no matter how hard you try.

ESP
Member Elite
since 2000-01-25
Posts 2556
Floating gently on a cloud....
5 posted 2003-05-22 12:56 PM


I really like this one, it felt like when your hair gets wrapped around your face while you're sleeping and you wake up suffocating and desperate for air....that sort of screaming....screaming to breathe. Anyway, I'll stop my random rambles at this point and end by saying I really enjoyed this
Liz xxx

[This message has been edited by ESP (05-22-2003 12:56 PM).]

BrokenDreams
Member
since 2003-02-09
Posts 425
In The Clouds
6 posted 2003-05-22 06:18 PM


hey, I like this one. True, the rhyming is a little off, but I think it only adds to the poem's meaning. I don't know if you'll understand what I just said, considereing I'm not even sure what I just said, LoL, but yeah anyway, good write, thanks for posting.
Jenni

Every oak tree started out as a couple of nuts who stood their
ground. --Anonymous

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