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Teen Poetry #6
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Scandalous
New Member
since 2003-04-10
Posts 9


0 posted 2003-04-10 05:43 PM


this is something i dropped in a rap site... it started out as a rap verse.. but peeps said it was kind of poetic.. so i'm gonna see what the pro's think! hehe i gotta get my rap slang out of it for ya so it's pretty.. haha tell me what you think

You Want a Piece Too?

These slitherin' snakes are surroundin' my thoughts hauntin'
Feindin' to inject venom, smotherin' my mind becuase their eyes are tauntin'
Every breath of me is taken back by a drop of sweat i leave
Mirages I long for, but a dream won't even appear, I'm choked meat
If I escape the boundary, their going to whip their necks back and pounce on me
Leave their poison drippin' down my spinal cord for the world to see
That willingly I allowed them to burn into me
Or I could escape their title of the "girl to be"
And dictate the demons that forced the pain that occured so early
Because that's the proposition I face every time the clock ticks
Decisions, choices, a left-over repition of stress on my conscience
Behind these eyes there often occurs a horror movie anytime, ready to prompt this
Critics can speculate and I'll lie until my pupils can no longer dialate
Because they expect me to be happy and care-free
But death will kill the untimely fool, so spare me
Because love and openin' my soul now scares me

© Copyright 2003 Scandalous - All Rights Reserved
peachesNcream
Senior Member
since 2001-08-21
Posts 513
Ocean Of Tears
1 posted 2003-04-10 06:34 PM


I've already told ya this before, but good job girl. I'm not exactly into the whole rap scene, but I like what you wrote! Espically..."But death will kill the untimely fool, so spare me
Because love and openin' my soul now scares me" Good write! ~Jess

"Poetry, she thought, wasn't written to be analyzed; it was meant to inspire without reason, to touch without understanding." -Nicholas Sparks

Mistletoe Angel
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Empyrean
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
2 posted 2003-04-10 08:42 PM




(big hugggssssssss) If there is anything more scandalous in this world, it is to defy the freedom of the written word and poetry, so open that soul in you and let the beat, the music come out and rap on! Welcome to Passions, dearest friend, love this, you've got my vote, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet friend, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

Scandalous
New Member
since 2003-04-10
Posts 9

3 posted 2003-04-10 09:04 PM


thanx for the replies, still lookin for some feedback
Scandalous
New Member
since 2003-04-10
Posts 9

4 posted 2003-04-11 10:05 AM


hey peeps... lookin for some more feedback! thanx!
Isabel Galaxia
Senior Member
since 2000-06-18
Posts 733

5 posted 2003-04-11 08:06 PM


Haha that's great
Rap is great

Bel

EleanorMoonbaby
Member
since 2002-09-02
Posts 202
England, UK
6 posted 2003-04-12 08:41 AM


Not really a rap fan, but like the attitude displayed here. It's good to see some intelligent rap lyrics. One question though.... what have you got against the letter "g"?! Kidding.
By the way, has anyone heard of MC Hawking? It's basically a recording of Stephen Hawking rapping. "All My Shootings Be Drive-bys" is a classic!
Ellie

I'm not dead, OK? I'm just a little electroencephalographically challenged!

carol
Senior Member
since 2003-01-25
Posts 624
Florida USA
7 posted 2003-04-12 10:56 PM


Very good on my vote

Real friends celebrate in who we are and have faith in all that we can become
Lots of Love
Rita

[This message has been edited by carol (04-12-2003 10:56 PM).]

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