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Teen Poetry #6
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brtymj
New Member
since 2003-03-05
Posts 8


0 posted 2003-04-04 12:48 PM



The Factory,2003

she, yeah she, shes so young
so young, yes so young, and so innocent
time, oh time, has yet to take its tole upon her heart
tear, it would tear me apart, to see this blossoming flower wilt and fall apart
young, why cant she stay young, why does she have to grow into the norm
she used to be in control, life so maluable, it could take on any form
but her counsciousness once so ductile, was streached so far it broke
old, now shes grown old, to be shaped into societys mold
do, what they tell you to do, what ever it takes to follow, the queen bee
stop, why cant she stop, why must she stride towards the pride, of popularity
she, no longer inocent, no longer has the mind that was heaven sent
allthough she may be happy, with indipendence just think what she could've been
and it breaks, breaks me apart to see this blossoming flower wilt, and fall apart
she received a new identity, at the assembly line, in the factory, of society
and i cry yes i cry watching her once warm heart become liquified
and when, she solidifies, tears begin to build up in my eyes
remembering what was of her, seeing what is no more
the tears make there way down from my eyes
once so beautful now the sum of all my fears
standing in front of me, molded by society,
another girl turned into britney spears

© Copyright 2003 brtymj - All Rights Reserved
SixtiesChick03
Junior Member
since 2003-03-27
Posts 49
NV
1 posted 2003-04-05 01:36 AM


I really didnt understand the poem that well, and it didnt flow really well like it did in some areas.
EleanorMoonbaby
Member
since 2002-09-02
Posts 202
England, UK
2 posted 2003-04-05 10:33 AM


This was interesting, it flowed more like a song than a poem. The subject matter was interesting, and very relevant. I've seen many a girl turning into a Britney-clone, and it's actually quite scary......
Ellie

I'm not dead, OK? I'm just a little electroencephalographically challenged!

BrokenDreams
Member
since 2003-02-09
Posts 425
In The Clouds
3 posted 2003-04-05 12:11 PM


"old, now shes grown old, to be shaped into societys mold"

I loved this line!!

As for the poem, it was good but in my opinion the part about Britney Spears is too specific. I would make it a bit more general, although I agree with you, People these days are too absessed with image.
Jenni

don't ever let others tell you who you are

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