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SweetGhettoFlurt
Junior Member

since 2003-03-30

Posts 15
Milw,WI

0 posted 2003-04-02 09:02 AM

Here are sum things i think guyz should know,
Cuz u and i both know that they are really slow,
Never lie bcuz u know witout a doubt,
Sumhow we always seem to find out,
Dont say u understand from our point of view,
Maybe is u'd listen u might get a clue,
U dont have PMS so dont act like u know wut its like,
During that week be nice or we could easily start a fight,
Dont ever call us ugly, stupid, or fat,
U stupid idiot we dont like being called stuff like dat,
When we say that we are going thru complications,
Comfort us and dont expect any explanations,
Dont talk about us behind our back,
Unless u really feel like gettin smacked,
When we wanna know how u feel,
Dont act macho be for real,
When we feel that everything in our life is not right,
We know u dont understand just shut up and hold us tite,
Dont ever yell cuz we're always late,
Looking at us you'll realize its worth the wait,
Also when we girls are on the phone,
Emergency or not leave us alone!

Albino_Jenn
Member

since 2003-03-03

Posts 105
Ontario, Canada

1 posted 2003-04-02 03:46 PM

well, I don't want to sound harsh, but I think the poem had an over all childish effect to it, the rhyme sceme and the choice of words make this poem sounds very simple..it was alright...but the rhythm was also off in some parts...
Jenn

**It's better to be hated for who you are, than loved for who you are not**

NSnaomian
Member

since 2002-07-22

Posts 232
In my troll closet I be

2 posted 2003-04-02 05:45 PM

I liked it cause I thought it was fun and while reading the majority of it I sat there and was smiling/laughing like crazy... Good advice. Cute...
Laura

"All that I desire to point out is the general principle that Life imitates Art far more than Art imitates Life."
-Oscar Wilde

Lindsay
Member

since 2003-03-26

Posts 59
South Dakota

3 posted 2003-04-02 09:44 PM

I liked your poem
it made me laugh
I think all guys should read this!

Allysa

Senior Member

since 1999-11-09

Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden

4 posted 2003-04-03 01:37 PM

Your "poem" gave me a headache. I'm going to be quite honest with you. Would it hurt so much to spell things correctly? You obviously enjoy writing to some extent, and this could be so much better if you put a tad more effort into it. The rhyme scheme in this takes away from the "poem". I'm trying to be nice and constructive, but please, don't butcher language this way! You could produce something quite wonderful, if you would only try, you could make something beautiful! Simply revising this and correcting the spelling and grammar errors could make this piece wonderful.

"Tourists are terrorists with cameras. Terrorists are tourists with guns."~Anon.

[This message has been edited by Allysa (04-03-2003 01:50 PM).]

pearl6884
Member

since 2003-03-23

Posts 72
California coast

5 posted 2003-04-03 01:45 PM

Your poem's main theme is really clever, I'll admit, and all around truthful. But I have to agree that it hurts to read because of all the grammatical and spelling errors. If you went through and edited it, I'm sure your poem would improve drastically and be more enjoyable to read. Keep at it, though!

*To see the world in a grain of sand, and heaven in a wild flower...Hold infinity in the palm of your hand and eternity in an hour...*
-Blake

[This message has been edited by pearl6884 (04-03-2003 01:45 PM).]

lauren03
Member

since 2002-01-04

Posts 64
oh, usa

6 posted 2003-04-03 10:48 PM

i thought your poem was great regardless of what some other people may have said, everything in it was so true and i don't think it's childish either.

*Belabebeautiful*

Senior Member

since 2003-01-03

Posts 696
washington, USA

7 posted 2003-04-04 01:01 AM

I liked the poem! It was cute and I was laughing the whole way through it, something you don't find a lot of poems doing! I do agree with a few of the other's though the spelling errors on this piece, while I think were on purpose, hinder the piece not help it. You want it to flow in the reader's head not give them a headache from trying to pick out what word it's suppose to be, know what I'm saying? But I did think it was a really funny piece and I think all guys should have to read it!
~Live and Laugh~

People always ask me why I don't look toward my future I tell them to many interesting things are happening today.
~Bella~

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