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Teen Poetry #6
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pearl6884
Member
since 2003-03-23
Posts 72
California coast

0 posted 2003-03-25 01:37 PM



I went to your house today
To watch our 5 o'clock show
We always did
Your mother played a nasty joke
She said you weren't home
With tears in her eyes
No, you don't understand
I told her
She never misses this hour
But she said you had left
And weren't coming back
She explained you were among
The stars now
But silly her,
I know this can't be true
But I didn't tell her
That the stars aren't
Good enough for you.

© Copyright 2003 Sarah - All Rights Reserved
dinky
Member
since 2002-10-19
Posts 258

1 posted 2003-03-25 04:46 PM


this is so good!!
its also sad
i love the last line though
cant wait to read more!!
~samantha~

"sometimes i just feel like
quittin i still might
why do i put up this fight?
why do i still write?"

NSnaomian
Member
since 2002-07-22
Posts 232
In my troll closet I be
2 posted 2003-03-25 09:10 PM


I also love this, the last line is so cute but I couldn't believe someone would do that. This is a good post! Can't wait to read more from you.
Laura

"All that I desire to point out is the general principle that Life imitates Art far more than Art imitates Life."
-Oscar Wilde

Drummerboy06
Junior Member
since 2003-03-23
Posts 46
Indiana
3 posted 2003-03-26 01:04 PM


Sweet and sorrowful, that how i would describe it.  This was very good, i like it a lot.  I do, though, have a suggestion for you:  to make the poem a little bit easier to read and understand, put quotation marks around the dialogue, that way the reader wont have to go hunting for who says what.  Other than that, it was great.

Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can't, and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it. - Robert F

pearl6884
Member
since 2003-03-23
Posts 72
California coast
4 posted 2003-03-27 11:04 AM


Thanks to everyone who read this...I greatly appreciate your comments!

*To see the world in a grain of sand, and heaven in a wild flower...Hold infinity in the palm of your hand and eternity in an hour...*
-Blake

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