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| Teen Poetry #6 |
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clve527 Member
since 2002-07-08
Posts 200 |
We walked through the warm wood doors, impatient and apart, me attempting to spell the names of capitals of African countries with the name on the door, him cracking his knuckles incessantly. As my game ended, all that remained was the order of the letters upon the door, Marriage Counselor, and somehow I wondered if she was married. Whether the portly woman in the unnecessarily cozy room knew the order of events, from courting to sleeping on the opposite sides of a one story home, to the last ditch effort of seeing her. She had seen her colleague, the one with the least failed marriages, the one who seemed to have her head most on her shoulders, the one that no one knew paid a shrink $800 an hour to keep that head on her shoulders. And in her last ditch effort, made love to him in the grass that was not yet littered with the weeds of indifference, the decay of love. With every thrust, it become clearer that love was not this, that this was desperation. But I knew she couldn’t have, and with her stare of dismay I knew this could not last among the broken glass promises and decaying bones of the cracked skeletons in our closets. |
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| © Copyright 2003 clve527 - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Isabel Galaxia Senior Member
since 2000-06-18
Posts 733 |
Oh my God, this is amazing I mean, sorry, not the situation, but the poem itself. I had to read it three times Wow Masterful I'm speechless Bel |
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devinechild22 Senior Member
since 2002-08-28
Posts 571 |
I liked this. There was only thing I didnt understand. Quote- "We walked through the warm wood doors" Maybe if you explained its meaning to me I`d better understand. Other than that I enjoyed it. My favorite part would have to be- Quote- "promises and decaying bones of the cracked skeletons in our closets" *Allison* |
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clve527 Member
since 2002-07-08
Posts 200 |
The warm wood part is just a contrast to the overall cold feelings of the rest of the poem. Thanks Casey |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
An interesting concept. I liked it very much, though I'm not sure I enjoyed it. I would give you a reason if I had one, and I'm positive I do. Unfortunately, it is one I do not know how to put simply into words. I believe there is something missing in the first two stanzas that the other 3 stanzas do not lack. It could be emotion, though I realized that, in your reply, you said the "warm wood" was a contrast to the cold feelings. Feelings being a very vague word, could you perhaps elaborate on these feelings? It would be greatly appreciated. Oh, and why African countries?  Leah  |
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clve527 Member
since 2002-07-08
Posts 200 |
First on the african country part, I can't reall ysay why I used that because I am not really sure. I think it could pass off as another contrast on the warm cool of things. And as to the feelings. Well it's a cold relationship, that much must be pretty clear. The lack of emotion is almost there to show how cold it really is. There is nothing left in this relationship, absolutely nothing. Hope that helps some. Casey |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
Casey~ This is excellent. You are such a talented poet and it certainly shows in this piece. You've included some great lines in this, and I very much enjoyed reading it. VERY well done. ~Vicky "...until you have read the verse on his heart, you have not truly met the poet. ~vlraynes [This message has been edited by vlraynes (03-14-2003 01:47 AM).] |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
I like that you've left a bit for me to read into in this one. I didn't get that feeling from your other stuff...they seemed more...there. And this, -this- is the way poetry should be (according to me), covering enough to give the abstraction, then leaving the reader to either dwell on just the abstraction or draw from it whatever they please. Much enjoyed, Casey. Keep writing. ~Carly empty arms |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
Casey, this was superbly written. everything was there, yet everything was hidden. I read it twice, so i could perhaps grasp a small part of your poem....awesome. Regina "heaven truley knows that thou art false as hell...one that loved not wisely,but too well..she swore..'twas a strange ,'twas passing strange"-othello |
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