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Teen Poetry #6
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Trouble Breathing
Member
since 2002-11-12
Posts 63


0 posted 2003-03-11 06:52 PM



Love is what brought us together
Love is what split us apart
Fragile is my heart,
Dropped on a cement floor
As you walked out the door, And split it into two,
I would have still climbed the world’s steepest mountain,
Just to be with you

Now I need something save me,
Something to pick me up,
Something to help me through this life,
Something to glue back together the pieces of my heart,
You can find them, in pieces in a jar,
I have no use I have for them now,
I just know I need something..


Something..
Something..
I’ve got nothing..

© Copyright 2003 Trouble Breathing - All Rights Reserved
BabieDoll
Member
since 2003-02-13
Posts 268
BFE
1 posted 2003-03-11 07:25 PM


I like this poem! More like, I LOVE IT. The way you worded it seemed kind of staggered...but don't worry, it's a good thing in my book. I could relate. I enjoyed reading it. I hope to see more from you!

~J.Lynn

"In life you must dance like no one is watching, sing like no one is listening and love like it's never going to hurt..."

Mistletoe Angel
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Empyrean
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
2 posted 2003-03-11 08:02 PM




(sigh) Ironically, that thing happens to be love! (big hugggssssss) This is sad but wonderful, sweet friend, it takes time to heal but soon embrace love once more as it is worth fighting for, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet friend, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

*Belabebeautiful*
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Senior Member
since 2003-01-03
Posts 696
washington, USA
3 posted 2003-03-11 08:36 PM


This was a wonderfully expressive piece...such is love...sucks sometimes doesn't it? Your fluidity could be worked on a bit more some of the lines seemed staggered or off, but the idea behind it is excellent and the emotion are strongly felt. Nicely done, enjoyable read!
~Live and Laugh~

People always ask me why I don't look toward my future I tell them to many interesting things are happening today.
~Bella~

PoeTik JusTice
Member
since 2003-01-05
Posts 186
California, USA
4 posted 2003-03-12 12:54 PM


Good poem! Well expressed, I agree, love sometimes just sucks.  The only thing I see is maybe a little work on the flow! But good work!

XoXo Love Alwayz XoXo
     *~Serena~*
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is to love, and be loved in return." --Moulin Rouge

carol
Senior Member
since 2003-01-25
Posts 624
Florida USA
5 posted 2003-04-19 10:55 PM


This is so sad but great write

Real friends celebrate in who we are and have faith in all that we can become
Lots of Love
Rita

SilentTears
Member
since 2003-02-15
Posts 371
Lost and Broken
6 posted 2003-04-19 11:21 PM


This is sad, but it's a great write! Nice job! I love it!

As I smile at everyone else, I'm dying inside... ~Me

peachesNcream
Senior Member
since 2001-08-21
Posts 513
Ocean Of Tears
7 posted 2003-04-20 12:12 PM


I like this, good write! ~Jess

"The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept."

A.L
Member
since 2003-03-15
Posts 131

8 posted 2003-04-20 06:17 PM


"why do we fall in love, when love will only tear us apart" This is one of the best poems I have read yet, maybe because I relate to it so much...Love hurts and I wish it never happened to me, and I dont know where to begin to pick up the peices...
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