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Teen Poetry #6
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Victoria7
Junior Member
since 2003-01-28
Posts 21


0 posted 2003-03-08 10:20 AM



i dont really like this poem so any suggestions would be great, i just needed to get it out because im really confused about a situation i have gotten myself in.

You’re the only ones that I want,
You’re the only ones that I can find a place in my heart,
w/ in three years I have had 4 of you.

I have broken your heart,
Into a thousand little pieces.
I tease you I taunt you.

You have shattered my dreams,
Made me feel as if life will never go on,
You hold the key to my heart.

I try to move on,
There’s other ones that I want,
But I always end back up w/ a mike.

Someone told me not knowing of my history,
No matter what I do
Stay away from Mikes

I know this isn’t true in all cases,
But I have never been hurt by someone
as bad as I have been hurt by a Mike

© Copyright 2003 Victoria7 - All Rights Reserved
frolicking dolphin
Member
since 2003-02-23
Posts 268
my own special world
1 posted 2003-03-08 08:46 PM


I like the general idea of the poem, but it doesn't seem to really flow from verse to verse, it would probably be helpful if you created some kind of a bridge from each verse,  I thought this was written well but didn't really flow that well. If I was too harsh, I'm sorry I wasn't trying to be.

~*~Karen~*~

~Dream like you'll live forever,live like you'll die tomorrow~

CwboyAtHeart
Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 541
Selah, WA, USA
2 posted 2003-03-08 11:27 PM


Oh my gosh!  lol  Sorry, this isn't funny...  But "Mikes" have been kinda a joke with my friends, cause one of my friends was really hurt by a guy named Mike, so "Mike" became a bad word...  "You stupid Mike" "Mike You!" and so on... Must be something about Mikes.  Anyway...  The poem didn't flow great, but it was a good idea.  I hope things work out for you, try dating somebody that isn't a Mike.  Thanks for posting.

      - Cody -

Note To Self:  If Pigs Can Fly, So Can I!!!

If someboy laughs at me, does that make me funny or just plain stupid?  

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