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Teen Poetry #6
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Chloey
Member
since 2002-09-29
Posts 74
in a silver mustang convertible

0 posted 2003-03-04 06:27 PM



If it happens
I hope it doesn't
It got close once
They wanted to know
"Do you wanna go w/
Mommy or Daddy?"
I was so so sad
I started bawling
And Saying,
"I want both, I can't
choose!"
Then my daddy stood in
front of the car
They both went inside
and talked it through
They said everything's
okay you dont have to
choose
I was so happy
I jumped for joy!
I could never make the
decision Mommy or daddy
I have to have both
If ever it comes to that
I dont know what I'll do
But thank you Mommy and
Daddy for working it out!
I luv you both so much
Next time you get those
thoughts remember ur vows!


I write what I feel and I feel what I write.

         *~*Chloey*~*

[This message has been edited by Chloey (03-04-2003 08:09 PM).]

© Copyright 2003 Chloey Jane - All Rights Reserved
Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
1 posted 2003-03-04 06:31 PM


I'm glad you did not have to make that kind of decision. I know it would have been a very hard one for anybody to make.
The poem itself was interesting. It was written in a very informal style, that's cool. I hope to see you up on the boards more.


-j-

Look at the sun and burn your eyes. You'll be fine in the end.

Chloey
Member
since 2002-09-29
Posts 74
in a silver mustang convertible
2 posted 2003-03-04 06:47 PM


Thanx Dopey Dope! I appreciate that!

I write what I feel and I feel what I write.

         *~*Chloey*~*

Riley
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Senior Member
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038
in the pouring rain
3 posted 2003-03-04 08:43 PM


Great Job Mandi. This is awesome. I agree, no one should have to make that desicion ( yeah I know I can't spell ), anyways, love how you wrote it, very nice.


See ya
ri

Morning mist clings to my face, and my soul opens up to you......

Chloey
Member
since 2002-09-29
Posts 74
in a silver mustang convertible
4 posted 2003-03-04 08:45 PM


Thanx Corky! See  Ya at school!

I write what I feel and I feel what I write.

         *~*Chloey*~*

Mistletoe Angel
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Empyrean
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
5 posted 2003-03-05 02:32 PM




(smiles) Yay! Awwwwwww, I'm so happy everything worked out between your parents, sweet friend, know deep down they love you so very much and neither one ever wants to let you go and wants to be family! (big hugggssssss) God Bless You, sweet friend, we all love you so much, you have my enthusiastic vote! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Chloey, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

Mysteria
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Member Laureate
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada
6 posted 2003-03-08 03:25 PM


an all too familiar cry from children that you wrote so well Chloey.

           
R.E.S.P.E.C.T.
Aretha Franklin  

BrokenAngel
Member
since 2002-01-06
Posts 141
Puryear, TN, USA
7 posted 2003-03-08 06:14 PM


Informal style and written with good emotion.  Could have had a little more....ummm...I can't think of the word.  But it seemed to me as if it was a little plane.  A good write none the less though, I had to make that choice, I made the wrong one the first time but now I fixed it.  Glad you didn't have to though.  

Read my work and read my thoughts
I'll go back into the night now
---Night Angel

carol
Senior Member
since 2003-01-25
Posts 624
Florida USA
8 posted 2003-04-15 09:10 PM


Chloey,it is so sad what childern goes through glad it worked out very good poetry it should be in a book

Real friends celebrate in who we are and have faith in all that we can become
Lots of Love
Rita

Jeremy Halstead
Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 569
Morris, Ill. U.S.A
9 posted 2003-04-16 04:05 AM


so yer new at this, huh... weird, I'm an old vetern who's trin' to get the pen flowin' again, so I guess we feel eachother there.
Personally, I think you do have a natural nak for expression.  A big key in writing poetry is to be able to not stray far from what you're trying to say and you stayed right on track.
You also seem to naturaly bleed your feelings into your lines(another plus).
This seemed very freestyle and if that's what yer goin' for, it was really good.  If you want a "prettier" or more "poetic sounding" style, I'd try to use some more descriptive words to portray the picture of what you want us to see...also maybe some rythm strucure...again, though I really like your natual ability here. keep it comin,

J.H.

Curse not upon love, for it is the greatest of great things.  Be it not love that curses you....but thy lack thereof.     -J.D.H.

[This message has been edited by Jeremy Halstead (04-16-2003 04:07 AM).]

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