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Teen Poetry #6
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Shell (shock)
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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Shell (shock) |
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EleanorMoonbaby Member
since 2002-09-02
Posts 202England, UK 
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You lie in a bed somewhere Shell-white Shell-empty. They try to fill you up with anything; Working their way through the medicine family. You remain empty. Caught in a fog Pressing in from all sides. You remain still and do nothing. Five miles away I sit on some concrete steps by the beach. I pick up a shell. They fill my head with everything "It's not your fault ....your responsibility ........ your problem." Time for one more cigarette. I inhale another lungful and I reach. I reach across the bay Into that little room and hold hands with your shell. I'm not dead, OK? I'm just a little electroencephalographically challenged! |
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| © Copyright 2003 Eleanor Warren - All Rights Reserved | |||
Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (big hugggssssss) Oh Eleanor, this is so very hauntingly beautiful, sweet friend, it is eerie how the ocean can echo through the conch, and along with the tides come tidings! (sad sigh) Look to the horizon, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Eleanor, thank you for sharing! May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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Kellie_Cantrell Senior Member
since 2002-05-22
Posts 1667New York |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
I love this, though I have no idea who "they" are. |
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Triskaidekaphobia Member
since 2003-02-05
Posts 251In a state of disrepair... |
This is really great... As for "they" I at a loss to... But then again I am probably missing something (maybe most of my temporal lobe)... I especially liked the "medicine family" bit which leads me toward some sort of hospital?!? Yes? No? Maybe? AARDVARK!!!!! Umm... sorry I seem to have been overtaken by some inane desire to type aardvark in capital letters and indicate my extreme excitement of such an eventuality! Maybe they missed the right bit of my brain when they did the lobotomy. You got my vote! There should be a psychology of feet. For do we not make decisions with our legs and walk about on our brains? What do you mean "No, not really"? [This message has been edited by Triskaidekaphobia (03-03-2003 11:38 PM).] |
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EleanorMoonbaby Member
since 2002-09-02
Posts 202England, UK |
Thanks for the comments. As for "They", it's just a reference to other people in general, in one case doctors, etc, in the other, friends, family, etc. Oh, and Trikwhatever (can't remember your full name); AARDVARK! to you too! Ellie  I'm not dead, OK? I'm just a little electroencephalographically challenged! |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Very sad and yet so powerful.  |
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BrokenDreams Member
since 2003-02-09
Posts 425In The Clouds |
hauntingly beautiful Jenn |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
Well written |
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skyshine
since 2002-02-07
Posts 3058Beneath the northern stars |
Yes, very powerful, Ellie. I enjoyed reading this, though it was sad.  Elizabeth It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you've got... |
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PoeTik JusTice Member
since 2003-01-05
Posts 186California, USA |
This poem is well written and powerful, I loved it, although it is sad. Great work. XoXo Love Alwayz XoXo |
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Lost Dreamer Member Elite
since 1999-06-20
Posts 2464Somewhere near the Rainbow |
This is such a sad poem, yet a reality of life so many times, in so many lives. You have captured this sadness very well.  |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
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Alicethruglass Member
since 2001-06-19
Posts 368 |
I reach across the bay Into that little room and hold hands with your shell love the ending...though sad ~A |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Nice job on this. I'm not very creative tonight, so I can't get into depth about how marvelous it is, but I'm voting anyway. Good job here. Jenn "Now I'm convinced that he's heaven sent, and must be out of his mind- mama he's crazy, crazy over me." |
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Magicmystery Senior Member
since 2002-02-13
Posts 821Windsor, Ontario, Canada |
This one gets my vote. I like the way you write. You've contrasted so well the life you live with the shell-shocked.... but these things have a way of reversing on you... just like the tides on that water you reach across. The choices you can make... are yours.... you own then as much as you own that cigarette you are smoking.... but that's it isn't it?....The cigarette gets smoked.... Generating a great deal of thought this poem is.... Sherry Cherish the good memories of the past and look forward to the adventure called Tomorrow. But above all... be kind to yourself today. |
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aaron woodside Member
since 2001-09-26
Posts 256 |
sigh Very sad. I really enjoy sad writes. This was great. I felt like I was sitting on the beach with a dear friend of mine as he spoke of his little sister at home dying. This brought home the feelings of remorse and pain that accompany the tragedies of life. You have my vote. ex animo, Aaron (fully realizing he will not get the free automatic vote for giving out 10 votes.) IN NOMINE PATRI ET FILII ET SPIRITUS SANCTI [This message has been edited by aaron woodside (04-10-2003 12:12 AM).] |
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carol Senior Member
since 2003-01-25
Posts 624Florida USA |
Very sad but you got my vote Real friends celebrate in who we are and have faith in all that we can become |
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jaysh Member
since 2003-04-16
Posts 133IL, USA |
well written, another great poem, keep up the good work! |
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SilentTears Member
since 2003-02-15
Posts 371Lost and Broken |
Well written. Nice metaphors. You have my vote! |
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