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Triskaidekaphobia
Member

since 2003-02-05

Posts 251
In a state of disrepair...

0 posted 2003-02-26 06:51 AM

The day begins with a confusion,
…a fusion…
That is as pure as water.

This room wakes into conclusion,
…an elusion…
To the purity of your atomic mass.

Your hair slides across your face,
…my disgrace…
A picture of serenity.

My heart skips to your beat,
…a defeat…
Yet I cannot care less.

Your eyes flicker in dream state,
…my fate…
While I am trapped there.

Carbonised inside my head,
…until dead…
Your image branded.

I cannot read your thoughts,
…I sought…
Though I wish I might.

You are a confusion,
…my illusion…
That is as pure as water.

There should be a psychology of feet. For do we not make decisions with our legs and walk about on our brains? What do you mean "No, not really"?

BrokenAngel
Member

since 2002-01-06

Posts 141
Puryear, TN, USA

1 posted 2003-02-26 11:58 AM

Wow!!! This is definatly book material. I can't say much, I mean, total loss for words over here. Wonderful write, great use of words...lots of emotion...wonderful use of three line stanzas...just a great write!!! Keep it up!! In my library!!

Read my work and read my thoughts
I'll go back into the night now
---Night Angel

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

2 posted 2003-02-26 12:23 PM

(big hugggssss) I'd say water truly is a precious but mysterious element in this world, dearest friend, sometimes you just don't know where the tide will go, what the undertow will take away, or where the water is deeper! (sad sigh) My advice is to get out of that sea and sit on the beach and study the tides to find what your heart really wants, God Bless You, you have my vote, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet friend, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

aries_luv_ppl
Senior Member

since 2001-09-20

Posts 1448
Universal Mind

3 posted 2003-02-26 03:49 PM

this is lovely!

~Every girl has a dream within.

aries_luv_ppl
Senior Member

since 2001-09-20

Posts 1448
Universal Mind

4 posted 2003-02-26 03:50 PM

this is just to put it to library.

Lost Dreamer
Member Elite

since 1999-06-20

Posts 2464
Somewhere near the Rainbow

5 posted 2003-02-27 12:01 PM

I enjoyed this poem very much.

Sometimes we have to follow a stronger voice, even if it's silent.

DawnG

Senior Member

since 2000-06-23

Posts 1494
United States

6 posted 2003-02-27 09:52 PM

This is a great poem. You've got my vote

Dawn

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

7 posted 2003-02-28 05:59 PM

wow, this is pretty good. I loved the whole thing where you had the rhyming going on. Awesome. My hands are shaking as I type this, maybe from the poem. Awesome job. Got my vote.

Riley

Morning mist clings to my face, and my soul opens up to you......

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

8 posted 2003-03-03 11:12 AM

I like this! Very nice.

Triskaidekaphobia
Member

since 2003-02-05

Posts 251
In a state of disrepair...

9 posted 2003-03-04 03:59 AM

Thanks a lot for all your comments (and votes) I hadn't thought that this one would get voted for at all. When I wrote it seemed to be missing something and I still don't know what (but you all know how that goes).

Thanx again!

There should be a psychology of feet. For do we not make decisions with our legs and walk about on our brains? What do you mean "No, not really"?

Munda
Member Elite

since 1999-10-08

Posts 3544
The Hague, The Netherlands

10 posted 2003-03-18 03:49 AM

Well done!!

PoeTik JusTice
Member

since 2003-01-05

Posts 186
California, USA

11 posted 2003-03-18 12:27 PM

Wow, this is so amazingly good! I loved the whole thing, the emotions and your style! Definitely has my vote, Nice work!!!

XoXo Love Alwayz XoXo
*~Serena~*
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is to love, and be loved in return." --Moulin Rouge

[This message has been edited by PoeTik JusTice (03-18-2003 12:28 PM).]

AJMGW
Member

since 2002-11-19

Posts 57
Galaxy Roller Rink

12 posted 2003-03-18 09:53 PM

wow i agree this is book material. awesome job!

Melissa

Hevnlyfoxy
Junior Member

since 2003-03-16

Posts 10
NYC, NY

13 posted 2003-03-18 10:19 PM

PERFECTION!

CSwtThng
Member

since 1999-07-28

Posts 124

14 posted 2003-03-19 12:41 PM

I really enjoyed this poem.

Alicethruglass
Member

since 2001-06-19

Posts 368

15 posted 2003-03-20 08:13 PM

well I see you got over the number 13 *s

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