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Teen Poetry #6
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Isabel Galaxia
Senior Member
since 2000-06-18
Posts 733


0 posted 2003-02-16 11:56 PM


The ending is rushed and very weak. Lo siento


A wall lies between the past and present
Between life with you and this moment
I can't feel your warmth
Yet your voice echos like guitar strings
The way you loved the way you cared
Swore and promised and gave
As my safety net, my other half
You rode steadily on your white horse, banners flying,
trumpets sounding.
For years my life was changing, you were my constant
No fortress had such support, such protection as had I
I needed not to be rescued
Yet you kept me from myself
The demons of food and cutting and thought
You fought off with your silver sword
As my comforter, my treasured one
You kept the devils and beasts at bay, arrows flying,
bards singing.  
Somehow the fortress was invaded
The love slain, the knight distracted
I was fighting a losing battle
Yet you were lured by the thought of a different life
The sturdy walls had fallen and the music stopped
You saddled your steed as you laid down your sword
As my lost love, my heartache
You road stealthily away on your white horse, banners shreading,
footsteps resounding.  


Quiero pensar "no me importa..todo va bein," pero no puedo.  And I hate that, I hate that.

Bel

"..but all natural objects make a kindred impression, when the mind is open to their influence" - Emerson

[This message has been edited by Isabel Galaxia (02-17-2003 12:51 PM).]

© Copyright 2003 Isabel Galaxia - All Rights Reserved
PoeTik JusTice
Member
since 2003-01-05
Posts 186
California, USA
1 posted 2003-02-17 08:49 PM


For some reason, I totally loved this poem! Good work!!

XoXo Love Alwayz XoXo
     *~Serena~*
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love, and be loved in return." --Moulin Rouge

NSnaomian
Member
since 2002-07-22
Posts 232
In my troll closet I be
2 posted 2003-02-17 09:34 PM


Very amazing and a great picture went along with this in my head..wow.
It is important.
Great job, amo su poema!

"All that I desire to point out is the general principle that Life imitates Art far more than Art imitates Life."
-Oscar Wilde

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
3 posted 2003-02-24 05:39 PM


This was really sad, but i LOVED how you described this. Very well written piece here.
I hope to read more from you.


Y mira, no te preocupas......disfrute la vida!


Look at the sun and burn your eyes. You'll be fine in the end.

*Belabebeautiful*
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2003-01-03
Posts 696
washington, USA
4 posted 2003-02-25 12:54 PM


Isabel~
  This was an amazingly well written piece, I enjoyed it very much. It was heart felt and full of emotion. And as for that other thing..No preocupe, la vida será buena una vez más. Pero usted debe tomar el malo con el bueno.
~Live and Laugh~

People always ask me why I don't look toward my future I tell them to many interesting things are happening today.
~Bella~

WinterWren
Senior Member
since 2002-12-01
Posts 1044
...Coming to
5 posted 2003-02-25 11:22 PM


Very sad and beautiful poem. I love it!
Great job, I love how you put the whole Knight and fortress in there!
Well done!

WinterWren
"Even a fool knows that we cannot touch the stars, but that doesn't keep the wise from trying."

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