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Teen Poetry #6
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Completion
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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Completion |
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Sun of faith Member
since 2003-01-31
Posts 101 |
You will complete me I know you can see Just open your eyes And come to me This could be heaven Happiness could be now It just has to happen I don’t care how Don’t deny what you fell Make us happy Together we’ll be Make yourself free We could fly in the clouds You would make me so proud If you just believe In you and me. |
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| © Copyright 2003 Sun of faith - All Rights Reserved | |||
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BrokenDreams Member
since 2003-02-09
Posts 425In The Clouds |
I like the idea but the rhyme scheme seems kind of forced. Jenn think about this: everyone you know will someday die. |
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Quiet Acquiescence Member
since 2003-02-16
Posts 70somewhere out here |
i do like it. but i have to agree with Jen. |
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Isabel Galaxia Senior Member
since 2000-06-18
Posts 733 |
That's good. I find that if you read it once, especially when listening to "Volare," you notice content more than structure.  Bel |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (smiles) This is a beautiful sentiment of love, sweet friend, with an offer such as yours your love surely cannot resist it as you are bound to make your love happy forever! (sigh) God Bless You, sweet friend, this has my vote, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet friend, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
likin' this one  |
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garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
I'm liking this one, too.....  Ethel....garysgirl |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
This was very nicely done. Keep working and writing. Jenn "Now I'm convinced that he's heaven sent, and must be out of his mind- mama he's crazy, crazy over me." |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
I like how creepy it is. |
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Chanson Senior Member
since 2000-08-19
Posts 1559Up Creek w/Out Paddle |
"...Just open your eyes And come to me..." An invitation one can't deny. Very nice. *s When you think you have heard it all, |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
LOL at squirrel's reply. Creepy or no, into the book you go. |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Mike you are funny! Wouldn't it be nice if we could talk whomever we are attracted to into believing it is right? |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
rhyme scheme or not..I enjoyed your thoughts..only I don't think anyone completes another. They add to each other. *s M ( and I think you mean feel instead of fell?) |
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NSnaomian Member
since 2002-07-22
Posts 232In my troll closet I be |
I agree with everyone here Don't you just love all the compliments? You did good with this, keep em coming!Laura "All that I desire to point out is the general principle that Life imitates Art far more than Art imitates Life." |
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Spine Grinder Senior Member
since 2000-10-28
Posts 1127Standing In Silence... |
well...since everything else was said, I'll just agree with everyone. great job. If You Wanna See A Rainbow, You've Gotta Live Through The Rain. And If You Wanna See Through Love, You've Gotta Live Through The Pain. |
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