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KoKo
Senior Member

since 2003-02-15

Posts 995
Inside the shadow's shadow

0 posted 2003-02-15 10:58 AM

Tiny puddles of dew
Glimmer against the sun
Invigorating, mystical mornings
And all my dreams outdone.

...And that's it. I hate it when I get inspiration for just a moment. It bugs me to no end!!
Any ideas?

And forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair. -Kahlil Gibran

majnu

Senior Member

since 2002-10-13

Posts 1088
SF Bay Area

1 posted 2003-02-15 01:46 PM

its pretty the way it is - the first thoughts on waking up and looking out the window.

i look forward to more of your work.

-majnu
--------------------------------------
Timid thoughts be not afraid. I am a Poet.

KoKo
Senior Member

since 2003-02-15

Posts 995
Inside the shadow's shadow

2 posted 2003-02-15 04:00 PM

Thanks much. You're right. It is purty that way, I just wish there could be more to it.

And forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair. -Kahlil Gibran

barbaraj
Member

since 2003-01-24

Posts 139
Nova Scotia, Canada

3 posted 2003-02-16 12:43 PM

i liked this poem the way it is. sorry but i don't have any suggestions.

~You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in people, than you can in two years by trying to get people interested in you.~

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

4 posted 2003-02-20 08:01 PM

Lauren~
I have to agree with the others.
I think it's beautiful just as it is.
~Vicky
"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

NSnaomian
Member

since 2002-07-22

Posts 232
In my troll closet I be

5 posted 2003-02-20 08:07 PM

All of what I could say is said.
With such a short piece it is hard to suggest anything, so Yay!
You did great and beautiful work indeed.
-Laura-

"All that I desire to point out is the general principle that Life imitates Art far more than Art imitates Life."
-Oscar Wilde

Albert J. Allie
Senior Member

since 2003-02-13

Posts 512
Queens NY

6 posted 2003-03-22 10:43 PM

Perfect....Just....perfect.

StellarChica
Member

since 2002-07-06

Posts 207
floating down a river...

7 posted 2003-03-23 12:20 PM

This happens to me all the time. I'll get inspiration for like a few lines and then I'll lose it and not know how to finish it. But, honestly, this is a great poem just like it is. Well done.

-erynne-

KoKo
Senior Member

since 2003-02-15

Posts 995
Inside the shadow's shadow

8 posted 2003-03-23 03:35 PM

Aaaaaw thanks guys

I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man.
--Chang Tzu

Albert J. Allie
Senior Member

since 2003-02-13

Posts 512
Queens NY

9 posted 2003-06-28 10:02 PM

Perfect as is. As usual!!!!!!

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