Help! This really needs a title!

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WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

0 posted 2003-02-14 12:19 PM

Turn and look behind you
Im waiting in the rain.
Come and hold my hand
Can you feel my pain?

There's an emptiness inside me
That I can't push away.
There's a darkness hiding
That I can't show the light of day.

I can't stop this soundless crying
Will you wipe the tears away?
I need you now, more than ever
To show me better days.

Tell me over and over
That hope is not a waste
Because mine is fading away.

You alone can help me.
So come stand in the rain
Hold me and ease the pain.

Im not really sure about this one, I just needed to get it out. Any title suggestions?

WinterWren
"Even a fool knows that we cannot touch the stars, but that doesn't keep the wise from trying."

[This message has been edited by WinterWren (02-14-2003 12:20 AM).]

SuffocationInMyLife
New Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 9
New york USA

1 posted 2003-02-14 05:48 AM

maybe u could call it lost, i don't really know why but that sounds good to me, umm i really liked it!!

Pollita
Member

since 2002-07-25

Posts 220
the unknown realm of insanity

2 posted 2003-02-14 10:04 AM

I dont know what the title should be...
But It was good none the less.
Keep up the great job!

NSnaomian
Member

since 2002-07-22

Posts 232
In my troll closet I be

3 posted 2003-02-14 02:56 PM

I was thinking of a title while I read this and all that came to mind was "shine on" or "engulfed in you"
Give you any ideas? Hope that helps some.
As for the write, very well done and sincere.
Laura

"All that I desire to point out is the general principle that Life imitates Art far more than Art imitates Life."
-Oscar Wilde

WindSong
Member

since 2002-12-23

Posts 313
Long Island, New York

4 posted 2003-02-14 11:21 PM

How bout "Come hither" lol...Seriously. How about...umm...come on Kirah think you can do it...'Help me in the rain" "Stand in the rain, help me." Something with rain...I don't know. This was an awesome poem...but only if we could get a good title going it'd be 10 times better...hmm...I was exagertaing just then, it's perfect as is. I loved it all...as per usual. ~*~Kirah~*~

I lie all the time - infact Im lieing right now!
Today is yesterdays tomorrow.

molly_the_dolly
Junior Member

since 2003-02-12

Posts 25
Ontario, Canada

5 posted 2003-02-15 12:13 PM

That was a great poem. ummmmmm...... title...
crying in the rain? crying in the rain, with so much pain? lol ummm i donno titles im not very good at those.

BabieDoll
Member

since 2003-02-13

Posts 268
BFE

6 posted 2003-02-15 06:14 PM

I really like this poem. The way you explain it makes me actually visualize it and feel it. I think a good title for this piece would simply be "I Need You"...but it's just a suggestion. Thank you for sharing such a great poem!

~J.Lynn

*Belabebeautiful*

Senior Member

since 2003-01-03

Posts 696
washington, USA

7 posted 2003-02-15 11:21 PM

Wonderful as usual! It's everything I've come to expect from you, one thing I think would help the ending, and this is just my opinion mind you I like it the way it is, would be to make it into four lines you have;
You alone can help me
So come stand in the rain
Hold me and ease my pain

I think that it might make the ending flow better if you changed it to four lines for example;
You alone can help me
So come stand in the rain
Hold me tightly against you
And ease my suffering pain

Thats just a suggestion I love it the way it is! As for a title I like "crying in the rain" but I'm no good at titles so..!
Great Job on this one, very emotional piece!

People always ask me why I don't look toward my future I tell them to many interesting things are happening today.
~Bella~

BrokenDreams
Member

since 2003-02-09

Posts 425
In The Clouds

8 posted 2003-02-16 06:23 PM

I liked the poem and as for a title all I can think of is "Stop the Rain" I'm not very good with titles but i hope this helps.

Jenn

think about this: everyone you know will someday die.

Paragon
Member

since 2003-02-16

Posts 114

9 posted 2003-02-16 09:50 PM

How about "A request Empathy"... generally thats what the whole poem is about wanting someone to help the person out and understand their position. well thats my view of it. I liked the poem a lot, was kickass. The rhyming pattern was there and the description was vivid. Thanks for sharing this poem, and keep posting your work. I look forward to reading more of your poems.

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